The Vitriol

Retirement...

2006-11-12T23:16:00.000-08:00

I'm leaving ya'll with a kick ass French and Saunders take on American Retirement. And, I'm also announcing my retirement from The Vitriol, at least for now. I'm extremely busy with real life shit, including school and health problems. I know Chuck is busy as hell and The Breakdown...that ho never posted anything anyway. I want to thank Chuck, Michael K, Bea Gas, Lolita, Bedazzler, Brandon, Tris, and all of you that have made The Vitriol a bigger success I ever thought it would be. Maybe when I get more time, I'll get back to what The Vitriol is all about...making fun of EVERYTHING...and being bitter about it. Thank you for supporting us and I want to personally say that I Love You and thanks for believing in me. See ya when I can get better, loves. xoxoxo

A Tribute to Absolutely Fabulous

2006-11-11T12:38:00.000-08:00

Madonna Parody -- BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

2006-11-10T06:42:00.000-08:00

Hail Meth, Full Of Energy, The Rush Is With Me...and um...oh YEAH! Praise Jesus!

2006-11-04T11:01:00.000-08:00

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. - The Rev. Ted Haggard admitted Friday he bought methamphetamine and received a massage from a gay prostitute who claims he was paid for drug-fueled trysts by the former head of the National Association of Evangelicals.

Mike Jones, the 49-year-old Denver man who raised the allegations this week, quickly refuted Haggard’s denial.

Shortly after Haggard told reporters outside his home, "I bought it for myself but never used it. I was tempted, but I never used it,” Jones told MSNBC-TV’s Rita Cosby that Haggard snorted meth in front of him about once a month for two years.

Haggard said he received a massage from Jones after being referred to him by a Denver hotel, but Jones told MSNBC, “He always came to my place.”

Haggard, 50, said he never had sex with Jones. On Friday, as he was leaving his home with his wife and three of his five children, he said he bought the meth because he was curious.

Haggard stepped down as president of the 30 million-member association Thursday and also gave up leadership of his 14,000-member New Life Church pending the investigation into allegations he had sex with Jones over the past three years.

"It is important for you to know that he confessed to the overseers that some of the accusations against him are true,” Ross Parsley, the acting senior pastor at New Life Church stated in an e-mail to church members.

“He has willingly and humbly submitted to the authority of the board of overseers, and will remain on administrative leave during the course of the investigation,” the e-mail stated. A copy was obtained by KMGH-TV in Denver.

Haggard, who has been called one of the most influential evangelical Christians in the nation, denied the allegations late Wednesday, telling NBC affiliate KUSA-TV of Denver: “I've never had a gay relationship with anybody, and I’m steady with my wife, I’m faithful to my wife. So I don't know if this is election year politics ... or what it is.”

Alleged voice mails
Jones provided to KUSA-TV what he said were voice mails from Haggard. The station had University of Colorado expert Richard Sanders compare them to its earlier interview of Haggard.

“It certainly sounds like the same person,” Sanders said, adding that he expected to have a final report later Friday.

KUSA-TV reported excerpts late Thursday.

“Hi Mike, this is Art,” one call began. “Hey, I was just calling to see if we could get any more. Either $100 or $200 supply.”

A second message, left a few hours later, began: “Hi Mike, this is Art, I am here in Denver and sorry that I missed you. But as I said, if you want to go ahead and get the stuff, then that would be great. And I’ll get it sometime next week or the week after or whenever.”

Jones said Haggard, whose middle name is Art, was referring to methamphetamine. “There’s some stuff on there (the voice mails) that’s pretty damning,” he said.

Jones said he also has an envelope he said Haggard used to mail him cash.

Denver police said in a news release they planned to contact the people involved for information on whether a crime was committed. The statement did not say whether an investigation was under way, and police spokeswoman Virginia Quinones declined to elaborate.

Lynn Kimbrough, a spokeswoman for the district attorney’s office, said that a public admission isn’t enough by itself to bring a case, but that charges will be filed if criminal conduct can be proved.

Gay marriage on state ballot
The allegations come as voters in Colorado and seven other states get ready to decide Tuesday on amendments banning gay marriage. Besides the proposed ban on the Colorado ballot, a separate measure would establish the legality of domestic partnerships providing same-sex couples with many of the rights of married couples.

Jones told The Associated Press he decided to go public with his allegations because of the political fight. Jones, who said he is gay, said he was upset when he discovered Haggard and the New Life Church had publicly opposed same-sex marriage.

“It made me angry that here’s someone preaching about gay marriage and going behind the scenes having gay sex,” said Jones, who added that he isn’t working for any political group.

Jones, whose allegations were first aired on KHOW-AM radio in Denver, claimed Haggard paid him to have sex nearly every month over three years. Jones also said Haggard snorted methamphetamine before their sexual encounters to heighten his experience.

Jones said he had advertised himself as an escort on the Internet and that a man who called himself Art contacted him. Jones said he later saw the man on television identified as Haggard.

He said that he last had sex with Haggard in August and that he did not warn him before making his allegations this week.

Haggard was appointed president of the evangelicals association in March 2003. He has participated in conservative Christian leaders’ conference calls with White House staffers and lobbied members of Congress last year on U.S. Supreme Court appointees after Sandra Day O’Connor announced her retirement.

After Massachusetts legalized gay marriage in 2004, Haggard and others began organizing state-by-state opposition. Last year, Haggard and officials from the nearby Christian ministry Focus on the Family announced plans to push Colorado’s gay marriage ban for the 2006 ballot.

At the time, Haggard said that he believed marriage is a union between a man and woman rooted in centuries of tradition, and that research shows it’s the best family unit for children.

“Homosexual activity, like adulterous relationships, is clearly condemned in the Scriptures,” the evangelicals association says on its Web site. The Bible says homosexuality is a sin that “brings grave consequences in this life and excludes one from the Kingdom of God.”

Haggard’s resignation from the NAE seems unlikely to do lasting damage to the organization, an umbrella group for a diverse and independent-minded membership. At his own church, Haggard’s decision to step aside — if it became permanent — would have a more profound effect.

“One would hope and pray that this matter would be resolved expeditiously and quickly and he can be restored back to being the pastor of the church and the leader of the NAE,” said Michael Cromartie, vice president of the Ethics and Public Policy Center, a conservative Washington think tank.

‘That’s not Ted’
New Life Church member Brooks DeMio, 44, said he thinks Jones is a liar and can’t believe Haggard would engage in sex with a man.

“He loves the Lord, homosexuality is a sin and that’s not Ted,” DeMio said. “His desire is to serve other people and uphold the word of God. ... I don’t know him well enough to give a complete character description, but I know him enough to know it’s not true.”

Carolyn Haggard, spokeswoman for the New Life Church and the pastor’s niece, said a four-member church panel will investigate the allegations. The board has the authority to discipline Haggard, including removing him from ministry work.

“This is really routine when any sort of situation like this arises, so we’re prepared,” Carolyn Haggard said. “The church is going to continue to serve and be welcoming to our community. That’s a priority.”

All-American Cunt

2006-11-04T09:10:00.000-08:00

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. -- Conservative columnist Ann Coulter has refused to cooperate in an investigation into whether she voted in the wrong precinct, so the case will probably be turned over to prosecutors, Palm Beach County's elections chief said Wednesday.

Elections Supervisor Arthur Anderson said his office has been looking into the matter for nearly nine months, and he would turn over the case to the state attorney's office by Friday.

Coulter's attorney did not immediately return a call Wednesday. Nor did her publicist at her publisher, Crown Publishing.

Knowingly voting in the wrong precinct is a felony punishable by up to five years in prison.

Anderson's office received a complaint in February that Coulter voted in the wrong precinct during a Feb. 7 Palm Beach town council election.

Anderson, a Democrat, said a letter was sent to Coulter on March 27 requesting that she clarify her address for the voting records "or face the possibility of her voter registration being rescinded. " Three more letters were sent to Coulter and her attorney, but she has yet to respond with the information requested, Anderson said.

In July, Anderson said, he received a letter from Coulter's attorney, Marcos Daniel Jimenez D'Clouet. The letter said the attorney would only discuss the matter in person or by telephone because, he complained, Anderson had given details to the media. Anderson said the matter had to be discussed in writing.

Ten reasons why Halloween is better than sex...

2006-10-31T10:25:00.000-08:00

10. You're guaranteed to get a little something in the sack.

9. The uglier you are, the easier it is to get some.

8. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

7. Less guilt the morning after.

6. It doesn't matter if they fantasize you're somebody else, because you are.

5. Forty years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.

4. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.

3. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go again.

2. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.

1. You can do the whole neighborhood!

And, remember to party responsilbly on Halloween or you'll look like this:

And if you party too hard for too many years, you'll look like this:

Friends don't let friends get moldy and shriveled up!!

what has happened?

2006-10-30T07:37:00.000-08:00

I have to admit, I'm a little scared about Lil Kims's recent appearance. She's looking like my crazy Aunt Cuca and I'm just waiting for her to try to kiss me and feed me cajeta.

I mean have you seen her? She looks like a ghetto leprechaun lately, and I've seen Leprechaun in the Hood (tagline: Evil is in the house!). Hey folks, I had to see it! When I heard there were Zombie Fly Girls in it, I was camped out in advance. Anyway, we're here to talk about Lil Kims in an effort to figure out what the heck they did to her in jail to make her look like some crazy ass Dynasty extra.

Here we see Ms. Kims being the total hot bitch that we love. She's trying to escape from mr Giant Booty, but totally can't run because she's wearing shoes that make no sense (clue #1 that she's not a lesbian. But wait, if she ate carpet in jail and stopped, does that make her a has-bian??). I love her, but her bikini bottom looks like she's packing more than labia down there. Oh well, I can still forgive her because bitch is hot and I'd switch for her, but only if she drove a monster truck to pick me up for the prom.

Oh yeah, this is Classic Kims, looking like the cheeriest leather tranny in the world on the red carpet. You know they looked her up and down and said "Folsom street is 800 miles north and you need to shave closer next time."

What's not to love though? Still, you know she buys her weave at the mattel Barbie factory . DON'T CUT ME LIL KIMS I LOVE YOU.

See, the change starts happening once the court problems of the past year and a half pop up. She tried to clean up her image or something, and she ended up looking like a ... like... *sob*

A backup singer. (note: blogger won't let me upload photos for some reason, so I'm adding links.)

And now she's out of jail, and I thought we'd see a great big Lil Kims-plosion of awesomeness, but instead we get this. That is NOT GOOD, YOUNG LADY. Surriously, she looks like she just stepped off of Gloria Estefan's 1986 TimeWarp Tour bus. We warned you Kims, that the rhythm was going to get you, but did you listen??

She needs to sit down with Mary J and Rupaul for an intervention. I want THIS KIM back. Please?
© 2006 CH

Tweak me out Elmo

2006-10-26T13:52:00.000-07:00

DEA: Drug ring transported meth inside Sesame Street character

OCTOBER 26--A Colorado drug operation hid large quantities of methamphetamine inside Elmo dolls, according to federal investigators who yesterday announced the indictment of 21 alleged members of the ring, which transported the drug from California. During a year-long probe, Drug Enforcement Administration agents seized an Elmo doll (seen in the below DEA evidence photo) in Barstow, California that was stuffed with four pounds of methamphetamine. When investigators opened up the plush doll's skull, they discovered the drug stash inside wrapped in plastic. While Elmo has never previously been linked to narcotics distribution or use, the Sesame Street character appears to have no teeth, which frequently is seen in heavy meth users.

"Elmo paranoid like a muther fucker!". You know it says that shit when you pull the string. Or, "Elmo clean kitchen alllllll day!" And, "Elmo pick sores on face!"
Damn, in my day it was McDonalds bags!

I don't feel like dancing

2006-10-25T21:09:00.000-07:00

I'm in love with this. I must have spent the past two hours just looking for different pictures of myself to play with...

I'm supposed to be going to a Halloween party this weekend, with some kind of slutty vampire theme (yawn). I went as a goth metal band with a group of friends last year, and I think we're going to regroup and go as the same band... so keep your eyes open folks for the Hitler's Vagina Reunion Tour! We're back together, but not happy about it.

I hope this party doesn't suck. Also, don't her tits rock??
© 2006 CH

Mattress on the FLO'

2006-10-24T06:24:00.000-07:00

Watch this video and ask yourself if you honestly want to vote for a fucking Republican

2006-10-24T05:16:00.000-07:00

Play it again, Win

2006-10-23T07:08:00.000-07:00

This kitty (Winston) is remaking the sounds I made after watching the season finale of Project Run With Scissors and stab Jeffrey. Big hugs and kisses to Rich over at Four Four for providing this clip of his pretty cat!

Let the young man rest in peace, finally...

2006-10-19T11:46:00.000-07:00

Anna Nicole Smith will bury her son, Daniel Smith, in the Bahamas today after 39 days since his death. He will be buried in an intimate service at the Lake View cemetery wearing a trucker cap, t-shirt and blue jeans . This outfit was apparently his favorite.

Anna will wear a black dress designed for her by the same person who designed her wedding dress for her wedding to Howard K. Stern.

Daniel was found dead over a month ago in his mother's hospital room following the birth of his sister, Danielynn.

UPDATE:

NASSAU, Bahamas (AP) -- In a ceremony punctuated by screams and cries, reality TV star Anna Nicole Smith attended the funeral of her son on Thursday, nearly six weeks after he mysteriously died while visiting her in the hospital where she had given birth to a daughter.

A gold-colored hearse brought the body of 20-year-old Daniel Smith to the cemetery. The mahogany casket was whisked inside a large green tent for the service. Wailing and screaming was heard from inside the tent.

"The only thing I can tell you is it's going (on) now," Deborah Cartwright of Lakeview Memorial Gardens & Mausoleums, the cemetery in Nassau, told The Associated Press.

The 38-year-old former Playboy playmate, who gave birth to a daughter three days before her son died at her hospital beside, attended the service, said Loretta Butler-Turner, director of the funeral home hired by the family. Three white limousines followed the hearse to the cemetery. Baptist Bishop Neil Ellis conducted the service, Butler-Turner said.

At least six police officers guarded the main entrance to the cemetery, barring everyone except for invited guests. Other officers in uniform and plain clothes stood outside the tent. A small crowd of Bahamian onlookers gathered just outside the cemetery.

Daniel Smith died the morning of September 10 after spending the night at the hospital with his mother and newborn half-sister. An American pathologist hired by Anna Nicole Smith has said Daniel Smith died from a lethal combination of methadone and two antidepressants.

Bahamas Chief Magistrate Roger Gomez said Thursday that police had not yet submitted a report on their investigation. Authorities will evaluate that report and the Bahamian pathologist's conclusions to determine whether a jury inquest is necessary. Official toxicology results have not been publicly released
© 2006 BMD

How to be cool, part 1

2006-10-18T08:02:00.000-07:00

The first thing I do in the morning, after being bathed by virgins and dressed by cartoon birds, is begin fielding the most asked question in the history of being me: "How can I be awesome like you?"
The answer, my dears is simple. If you must ask this question, it's just not possible. Still, I am peace and love incarnate, so I will help you out to the best of my abilities. I began this project months ago; carefully de-awesoming myself slowly so as not to shock my delicate awesome-based nervous system. Once I achieved a level of normalcy- non-awesomeness-, I set to work.

In part one, we will talk about hair. Get some. If you're going bald, go in reverse and shave it off. DO NOT, under any circumstance, shave a word or design into your head. I don't care if you're in the NBA or the NRA, it's just not a good idea. What you should do is find an awesome barbershop. If you're in the Austin area, I recommend Lindsey at Bird's barbershop on Lamar.

I walked in there and said to her : "As you can see, I have and it is most lame. Please make it awesome." And she replied "Okay, just sit down and we'll see what happens."

In mere minutes she was shaving my head and then trimming the leftovers and then texturizing it and then slathering me with product (that's homo speak for hair gel), et voila, I had a mohawk.

And it is indeed most awesome. My hair is like a shark now, and I cut a swath through the air as I glide along, head held aloft like the mighty sword of Grayskull. By the power, indeed.

So now you have the opportunity to some information that you need to make your hair awesome. Find a stylist who has a look you like - hair, makeup, clothes, the whole look- and give them permission to make you awesome too.

Next week we'll start to work on your clothes. I mean, do you even own a mirror? Good, that's a start.
© 2006 CH

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, BOYZ!!!

2006-10-18T00:17:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of ya Mama ChiliGurl

It's about crack time!!

2006-10-17T23:56:00.000-07:00

After a tumultuous 14-year marriage marked by drug arrests and stints in rehab, Whitney Houston is divorcing Bobby Brown.

LOS ANGELES — After a tumultuous 14-year marriage marked by drug arrests and stints in rehab, Whitney Houston is divorcing Bobby Brown.

The pop singer filed divorce papers in Orange County Superior Court this week, a month after filing for legal separation from Brown, Houston's publicist Nancy Seltzer said Tuesday.

The documents could not be obtained Tuesday by The Associated Press and Brown's attorney Phaedra Parks declined to comment.

Houston, 43, had asked in her separation papers that she be granted custody of the couple's 13-year-old daughter Bobbi Kristina, and that Brown, 37, be allowed visitation rights.

The couple wed in 1992, with Houston at the height of her fame as a Grammy-winning superstar known for such hits as "I Will Always Love You."

Brown won acclaim for his gritty R&B songs as a one-time member of the boy band New Edition.

During their marriage, Brown was arrested for drugs and alcohol and Houston entered drug rehabilitation programs twice.

In an attempt to clean up her public image, Houston stepped out last month for an event in Beverly Hills with cousin Dionne Warwick and mogul Clive Davis, with whom she is working on a new album.

Brown, who also has two teenage children with a Massachusetts woman, recently paid up to $11,000 in delinquent child support after being threatened with arrest two weeks ago if he stepped back into the state.

Brown's attorney has said he was having a "very difficult" time due to the separation initiated by Houston.

I got a few things to say to miss thang. Divorce MEANS divorce...no contact, no sex, no nothing....got it?
Your infamous coke habit? It's gone, unless you want to spend what is left of your SHORT career.
Speaking of career...you will NOT have a hit first time around. We still think you are cracked out.
You are going to have to bust some ass and KISS SOME ASS to get back into our graces.
Oh, and don't depend on child support....no matter how much that fat fugly child Bobbie Christina looks like him, you ain't getting shit. Bitch....you have to claw your way back. And I hope ya make it, gurl!
Do I really? Nope. Honestly, I couldn't care less.
But miss thang has a great voice when she ain't cracked out.

Happy Birthday, Shawntel

2006-10-17T19:44:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, DeShawn. It's hard to beleive we've reached this stage of life. I wish you the best, and you know I love ya more than my luggage...um...but not more than my INXS CD collection! LOL j/k!!!!!
Hope it was a great one. :-)

Signed,
3-way-lamp

Goodnight, CBGB's

2006-10-17T19:39:00.000-07:00

Today in the "I don't give a FUCK" news...

2006-10-12T21:58:00.000-07:00

Hilary Duff claims in court documents that she fears for her life, alleging she and her boyfriend are being stalked by two men -- one a paparazzi and the other a homeless man. I guess that's the homeless guy's teef above.

Court documents, filed today in Los Angeles Superior Court, in which Duff and Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden claim that a 19-year-old Russian emigre came to the United States "for the sole purpose of meeting and becoming romantically involved with Ms. Duff."

The documents state, "Over the past six weeks, the defendants have engaged in an accelerated effort to make contact with Hilary, including visits to her neighborhood, to her mother's home, to her boyfriend's neighborhood ... AND WHO GIVES A SHIT?!?!?!

Doesn't Miss BIG Teef and Mr. Has Been pop star realize that nobody gives a shit anymore? Hell, we're all waiting on the final death certificate of Daniel Smith and how long they are gonna try to keep him on ice. (Just FYI, I worked at a mortuary, and even with embalming and refrigeration, poor little dude is extremely ripe now.)

This story is so tired, I think I'm gonna put up a picture of anything...like this:

And please note that the blue water will not dissolve a hair weave!

Ooooh, baybee baybee

2006-10-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, we all know Tori Spelling is knocked up, but who told this stupid bitch to wear this oversized 1970's Satchel Purse as an outfit?!?!

That fucked-up thing looks like my damn Grandma's curtains...and Grandma has been DEAD for 15 years. Or it looks like something Prince refused to wear because he was on too much acid. Somebody PLEASE slap the holy shit out of the Horseface Spellfucker!!

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaay, GURL!!

2006-10-11T13:20:00.000-07:00

National Coming Out Day is observed on October 11 by members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) communities and their allies.

The day commemorates October 11, 1987, when 500,000 people marched on Washington, USA, for gay and lesbian equality. National Coming Out Day events are aimed at raising awareness of the LGBT community among the general populace in an effort to give a familiar face to the LGBT rights movement.

In the United States, the Human Rights Campaign manages the event under the National Coming Out Project offering resources to LGBT couples, parents and their children as well as straight friends and relatives to promote awareness of LGBT families living honest and open lives.

I pray for those who struggle with their sexuality, those who have to hide it, and those who have left us because of the pain. We are working by example to show people that we are O.K. and that they don't have to fear or loathe us. Everyone deserves the right to be themselves.

With that said....Happy National Coming Out Day!! Go git yer groove on, gurl!!

Where I been at?

2006-10-11T08:57:00.001-07:00

Just for the record, no I was NOT abducted by Tom Cruise for talkin' smack about his hot alien ass. I didn't free Katie either, and she wasn't recaptured by Posh Spice for reprogramming in the Paris Headquarters.

I had a lot of things come up, as is usual. Work got hectic (I have three jobs, so I quit one), there was a death in the family, and I also was irradiated and turned into the Inflammable Bulk. Gurl, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry, gurl.

But yeah... not a whole lot has been going on other than me being stuck in my routine. I'm sorry for being absent, y'all. You know I love you, baby. No, I'm not writing at another blog!! Well yeah, I might have been at Opendiary.com, but he's just a friend, there's nothing going on between us anymore.

There's too much to catch up on, so I won't even bother with a recap... that would be like trying to fix Tara Reid, yikes.

I'll be around here more often, and if I don't post often enough, the Chiligurl has permission to email me and harass me to pieces. Hulk smash, gurl.

© 2006 CH

Cover Girl Clean Makeup -- Hides the psychotic bitch in you!

2006-10-10T10:25:00.000-07:00

LAWRENCEVILLE, Ga. — The "runaway bride," who took off days before her lavish wedding in 2005, is suing her former fiance for $500,000, claiming he defrauded her out of her share (of EYELINER) of their assets.

Jennifer Wilbanks is seeking $250,000 as her share (for some EYELINER) of a home she says John C. Mason purchased through the partnership with proceeds from $500,000 received for selling their story to Regan Media in New York.

She also wants $250,000 in punitive damages for alleged abuse of the power of attorney she granted for Mason to handle their financial affairs. (Eyeliner is EXPENSIVE, Gurl!)

The lawsuit says the $500,000 was put into an account of JCM Consulting, based in Gwinnett County. After Wilbanks was "hospitalized and under medication," Mason bought a home in Dacula in his name with the money, the lawsuit alleges. (He also sold off all of her MAC Cosmetics Eyeliner shares)

The lawsuit claims that Wilbanks asked JCM Consulting during the summer for various documents, but the firm didn't give her records of bank accounts. Through the lawsuit, she wants to inspect and copy those records.
(Just to see how much she has left to spend on eyeliner.)

Wilbanks also claims that Mason used the company to defraud her. (Shit, he was saving that cash to get out of the country and get the fuck away from her and her EYELINER!)

Wilbanks disappeared four days before her planned April 30, 2005, wedding. Hundreds of police and volunteers searched for her for three days before she called Mason from Albuquerque, N.M., claiming to have been abducted and sexually assaulted. (With multiple tubes of EYELINER!)

She later recanted, saying she fled because of unspecified personal issues, and pleaded no contest to telling police a phony story. Because the ho-bag was out of EYELINER!

GURL, you know the REAL story is that her tired ass ran out of EYELINER, and that she needs more cash to buy some more. Bitch needs to learn to use charcoal or some kinda shit. Bug-eyed skaink!

omgwtfbbqlilkims

2006-10-09T11:59:00.000-07:00

Um, can somebody tell me what in the HELL happened to Lil' Kims face? I know Kerry is fug, but Gawd DAYUM!! Jail does NOT do that to your face. I'm just sayin'. Chuck, you are on a mission to get the scoop, bay-bay! :-)

BOO!!!

2006-10-04T18:23:00.000-07:00

Yep, Republicans have real "Family Values"

2006-10-03T03:17:00.001-07:00

You just KNOW this fag is a size queen!

Republican Congressman Mark Foley of Florida admitted to, "alcoholism and related behavioral problems," (Behavioral problems = He likes to fuck 16 year old boys when he's drunk) and says he will enter rehab.

Foley quit his job on Friday after word of sexually suggestive e-mails he sent to teenage boys working on Capitol Hill.

The scandal swirling around the former Florida (Go figure...mother fucker is from Florida) Congressman continues to widen. The FBI has opened an investigation into whether Foley violated federal law by sending sexually explicit e-mails to male congressional pages under 18.

That is on top of a possible House Ethics Committee investigation and a call from House Speaker, Republican Dennis Hastert (an absolute fucking pig as well), echoed by others in his party, for the Justice Department and Florida law enforcement to look into the matter.

"The best thing to do on every count is to get the facts out there as quickly as possible and then let the chips fall as they may," says NYS Representative Peter King.

But Democrats say it is too little too late. They accuse the Republicans of a cover-up to maintain their majority in Congress. (Um, when have Republicans NOT covered up some kind of illegal bullshit?)

"It looks to me that it was more important to hold on to a seat and to hold onto power than to take care of our children," says Democrat Tim Mahoney, who is running for Foley's seat.

Republicans have known about Foley's obsession with male pages for at least five years. But little was done, other than issuing a warning. (Refer back to my Republicans covering up bullshit comment.)

This bitch just wants to get hog-tied like Albert Dekker.

ABC News obtained Internet messages sent by Foley to three different pages since that warning was issued. Messages sent to two pages contained sexually explicit messages, most too graphic to be broadcast.

Gawd DAYUM!! He reminds me of those old fucking trolls who used to hit the queer bars looking for twinks by bribing them with drinks, cash, or drugs. Not that I'd ever know anything about that, ya'know?

DISCLAIMER

2006-09-30T07:36:00.000-07:00

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THIS SITE HAS MATERIAL THAT MAY BE VERY OFFENSIVE TO SOME PEOPLE. READING DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

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IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SEE HERE, PLEASE LEAVE THE SITE. MOVE ALONG, NOW...BEFORE I REALLY GO OFF.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
Have a wonderful day!! :-D
© 2006 BMD

Rest in Paradise, little bro...

2006-09-27T20:26:00.000-07:00

The death of Anna Nicole Smith's 20-year-old son Daniel was caused by a lethal combination of methadone, Zoloft and Lexapro, pathologist Cyril Wecht has revealed.

Wecht said the drugs caused the cardiac dysrhythmia that led to Daniel's death. Wecht got the toxicology results from National Medical Services in Willow Grove, Pa., today.

"In my opinion it's an accidental death," Wecht said.

Wecht said that because Daniel was taking three drugs and not a large dose of a single drug, paired with the fact that he was celebrating a happy occasion with his mother, those factors point to a "tragic accidental drug death."

Asked why Daniel may have been taking methadone, which is sometimes used to help heroin addicts end their addiction, Wecht said the drug is "a legitimate prescription drug for pain relief" and that Daniel had "no known history of morphine addiction."

Wecht was not sure if Daniel had a prescription for Zoloft, though it is known that he'd been taking the antidepressant Lexapro.

Daniel Smith died in his mother's hospital room Sept. 10 while visiting her in the Bahamas three days after she gave birth to a baby girl named Dannielynn Hope.

Smith's longtime lawyer, Howard K. Stern, revealed Tuesday that he is the father of the little girl.

On Sept. 9, Daniel Smith arrived in Nassau to see his mother, with whom he'd always been extremely close. The family, including his newborn sister, spent time bonding in the hospital room that night. Daniel was seen tending to his mother around 6:20 a.m. on Sept. 10 – but at 9:38 a.m. that day Anna Nicole woke up to find her son unresponsive.

Doctors were immediately summoned and tried for 22 minutes to revive Daniel without success. He was pronounced dead at 10:05 a.m.

Days after Daniel's death Anna Nicole's Bahamian attorney, Michael Scott, described her as "overwhelmed" by grief. "She's trying to come to grips with the depths of her despair," he said.

Stern, who appeared on Larry King Live Tuesday (wasted off of his damned ass), said Anna Nicole's baby daughter is "the one thing that is really keeping her going.

"Through it all, even with all the pain, she's been a great mom, a very attentive mom."

Anna is on heavy drugs, Howard is on heavy drugs, Sugar Pie is on heavy drugs, but whatever happened to the dyke assistant in love with Anna Nicole? Kimmie? Bitch prolly overdosed after she found out Anna didn't wanna fuck her fug ass.

I'm figna vomick!

2006-09-26T20:46:00.001-07:00

This from internet rag TMZ:

Attorney Howard K. Stern said on "Larry King Live" that he's the father of Anna Nicole's newborn baby. The revelation sets up a potentially nasty paternity battle. Stern appeared Tuesday night on "Larry King Live" disclosing his belief that he is the father. The statement is in sharp contrast to comments by Larry Birkhead who has told the media in the past that he is the father. Birkhead has asked for a paternity test and it is unclear whether Anna Nicole will oblige.

Stern said on King's show that he has been in love with Anna Nicole for along time and hopes the feeling is mutual. (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!)

Now for the real story from the AP:

NASSAU, Bahamas — A lawyer for Anna Nicole Smith said Tuesday that he was the father of the reality TV star's newborn girl, who has been the couple's one "ray of hope" as they have grieved the death of her 20-year-old son in the Bahamas.

"Right now we have to somehow get through what we're going through," he said. "And I'll tell you, our baby is the one ray of hope."

Daniel Smith, 20, died Sept. 10 while visiting his mother as she recuperated from giving birth three days earlier. Authorities have said there was no sign of suicide or foul play, and they were awaiting toxicology results to determine the cause of death.

"We're still waiting to find out what the cause is," Stern said. "We also now have an indication that there may have been other prescriptive medication in his system."

Stern, who picked Daniel up at the airport and brought him to the Nassau hospital the previous night, said he appeared happy to see his mother and half-sister. He said the young man appeared fine until the next morning.

"And then at one point Daniel said to me, 'How come I'm so tired?' And in hindsight I wish that I had seen that as some sort of a signal and seen that something wasn't right," he said.

Soon afterward, Anna Nicole Smith noticed Daniel wasn't breathing, Stern said. Medical personnel could not revive him, and he and Anna Nicole continued resuscitation efforts even after they were asked to stop.

"She stayed there and we were at the foot of the bed and she was hugging Daniel's legs," he said. "And she was praying to Jesus and she was telling Jesus to take her and not take Daniel."

Stern said he and Anna Nicole Smith had been living together in the Bahamas, and planned to stay in the island chain long term and marry "at some point."

She wanted to get away from the media and to start a new life and give her daughter a chance to live a normal life, said Stern, who described himself as a "proud father."

He said there has not been a funeral and declined to describe any burial plans.

HARD GAY RAMEN!!

2006-09-24T10:57:00.000-07:00

Cool for cats...

2006-09-15T11:33:00.000-07:00

I figured we could all use a good laugh for the weekend...
Cool Cat

DJ Cat

Funk Cat

Hip Hop Cat

Metal Cats

Raver Cat

Stevie Wonder Cat

Stoner Rock Cat

Techno Cat

Dr. (yeah, right) Laura is a fucking whore!

2006-09-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

The condescending, hypocritical cunt is at it again!

The New York Post reports:
September 14, 2006 -- THE hypocrisy of Dr. Laura Schlessinger knows no bounds. Despite the skeletons rattling in her own closet, the acerbic radio gabber slams today's women in a new book, claiming the typical American female is a slut. "Men see women as sex objects when women act like unpaid whores . . ."

Schlessinger writes in "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage," due from HarperCollins in January: "Now it is difficult to find the male who values virginity, purity and innocence when females dress like babes and perform oral sex and intercourse without even having to be fed dinner . . . Who cares about vows - after all, why buy the cow when the milk is free."

Schlessinger's tirade may seem contradictory to some considering her own past behavior. In the mid 1970s, when she was in her early 20s, Schlessinger posed nude for a boyfriend, the late radio talk-show host Bill Ballance, who years later posted the full-frontal shots on the Internet. And soon after, she started seeing a married California doctor with three kids who subsequently left his wife for the homewrecker.

The therapist, now 59, also spanks wives who complain about their husbands being too horny, "as if being desired were some kind of intrusion or insult . . . Get over yourselves and get under your men (although most men enjoy their women on top, too)! If you don't, when the kids are up and out, he'll likely be with them."

She adds that one key to a good marriage is for couples to be kind to their own families. "It is amazing to me how many people treat absolute strangers with more courtesy, kindness and sensitivity than their own spouses and families," she complains. Yet for years, Schlessinger was estranged from her now-deceased mom and she remains estranged from her sister.

It's unlikely Schlessinger will be bothered by any criticism, as she's been in the frying pan plenty of times for past remarks. The gay community once ripped her for calling homosexuality a "biological error."

WARNING: The following link contains Dr. (pffft) Laura in nude poses: SKAINKY HOMEWRECKING CUNT!

All this bitch needs is a good fisting!!

Rest In Peace, Governor Richards. Texas will miss you.

2006-09-14T05:24:00.000-07:00

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE (September 13, 2006 - 10:00 p.m., Austin, Texas)

Ann W. Richards, 45th Governor of Texas, died in her Austin,

Tick Tock...

2006-09-13T08:54:00.000-07:00

This just gets weirder and weirder every hour, ya'll. Ya know, even though we love to rag on Anna Nicole, she is still a human being who loved her son. Anna Nicole lived a very hard life before she married J. Howard Marshall. I think I may have told ya'll that I live pretty close to her hometown, Mexia, Texas. If any of you have been to Mexia, you'll know what I'm talking about. There are only like three traffic lights in town, and pretty much everyone there lives below the poverty level. It's just sad. From what I can remember since I was last through there about 3 years ago, they also had an ancient, nasty Dollar Store (or Family Dollar...I don't remember), a couple of gas stations with no-name gas, and I don't remember seeing the chicken place, but I may have and just forgot about it. There is no industry to speak of and jobs are scarce to non-existent.

But...here is the latest news:

NASSAU, Bahamas - The death of Anna Nicole Smith’s 20-year-old son was termed “suspicious” by the coroner’s office Wednesday, and a formal inquiry that could lead to criminal charges has been scheduled.

Authorities said at least one other person was in the hospital room when Daniel Wayne Smith died Sunday while visiting his mother, a reality TV star and former Playboy playmate, three days after she gave birth to a baby girl.

The person was not a member of the hospital staff, Reginald Ferguson, assistant commissioner of the Royal Bahamian Police Force, told The Associated Press. He refused to reveal the person’s identity, saying he did not want to jeopardize the investigation.

Her Majesty’s Coroner Linda P. Virgill scheduled the inquest for the week of Oct. 23, saying it “is the right course of action.” If jurors at the inquest decide a crime took place, the case would be sent to the attorney general’s office, authorities said.

“Whenever there is a suspicious death we would have an inquest to determine how the person died,” Bradley Neely, chief inspector of the coroner’s office, told AP Television News.

The inquest would be open to the public, Virgill said.

She said authorities believe they know what killed Smith, but were awaiting a toxicology report to confirm the findings. She declined to disclose details but said there was no sign of physical injury to Smith.

“I can confirm that there was definitely a third person in the room at the time of death and I do know who that person is,” Virgill said. “But I am unwilling to reveal that information at this time for various reasons.”

Police were reconstructing Smith’s steps since his arrival Saturday in the Bahamas, said Reginald Ferguson, the assistant commissioner of the Royal Bahamian Police Force.

Ferguson told the AP that no drug paraphernalia or traces of illegal drugs were found on Daniel Smith, in the hospital room or near the room.

Police believe Smith went directly to Doctors Hospital in Nassau, where his mother was, after flying in to the Bahamas, Ferguson said.

This just in...

2006-09-12T17:22:00.001-07:00

As of 8:51 P.M. CST, TMZ.com reports:

The coroner investigating the death of Anna Nicole Smith's son Daniel on Sunday tells TMZ that Daniel died of unnatural causes. "We do know the cause of death," says Her Majesty's Coroner, Linda T. Virgill. "But we wish to reserve publishing the cause of death pending the toxicologist's report." Virgill adds that her office will be releasing the results of the report and cause of death Thursday.

This story keeps changing by the hour, ya'll...so stay tuned. And pray for homegurl...she needs all she can get right now.

People magazine is reporting this:

Anna Nicole Smith's son, Daniel, died on Sunday in the Bahamas and official are now ruling that he did not die of natural causes. He was found in Anna's hospital room after she gave birth to a daughter.

"The cause of death is not natural," Her Majesty's Coroner Linda P. Virgill tells PEOPLE. "However, we wish to reserve the cause of death at this time pending the toxicologist examination and report for confirmation of cause of death. Friday is the likely release date for the autopsy and toxicology report."

Daniel Smith was found sitting upright in a chair after going to see his mother and his new half-sister in the private Doctors Hospital in Nassau, Reginald Ferguson, assistant commissioner of the Royal Bahamas Police Force, told reporters late Monday.

According to Virgill, a coroner's inquest with a jury will take place, and Anna Nicole Smith will likely be asked for her testimony. "All persons who are relevant witnesses, like his mother and hospital staff and airline personnel who had contact with him, would have to testify," Virgill says. "The inquest would happen late October or early November to determine how, when and by what manner Daniel came to his death."

She continued, "The family wishes to return the body to the United States, but it won't be released until the reports are in."

Ok...I just heard on the news about an hour ago that Daniel's body has been released to a funeral home in California, and the body is in transit. He will be buried in California. The news also stated that the coroner believes a cause of death has been found, but as stated above, no information will be released, if any, until the reports are in.

Poor Anna Nicole. I live about 30 miles from her hometown of Mexia, Texas, and it's all over the local news here. Very sad. *sigh*

WTF is going on here?!?!

2006-09-11T11:22:00.000-07:00

UPDATE - 9/12/2006
NASSAU, Bahamas (AP) -- Police investigating the death of Anna Nicole Smith's 20-year-old son said they had no evidence that he had suffered a heart attack or that drugs were involved.

The cause of death remained under investigation Tuesday.

The Nassau Guardian, citing unidentified sources, reported Monday that Daniel Wayne Smith had died of a heart attack. On Tuesday, the newspaper reported that a preliminary investigation found that Smith had antidepressants in his system. It cited sources close to the case.

Reginald Ferguson, assistant commissioner of the Royal Bahamian Police Force, dismissed the reports. "That's just talk. We have no evidence at this time to suggest that," he told The Associated Press, when asked whether drugs had contributed to Smith's death.

Earlier, the commissioner told People magazine that there was no evidence "at this time" that the young man had suffered a heart attack.

Smith died Saturday while visiting his celebrity mother in the hospital three days after she gave birth to a girl.

A funeral home hired by the family said Tuesday it expected to receive Smith's body after an autopsy is completed.

"Once the hospital has released the remains to our establishment, we are then able to process all of the documents for repatriation to California," said Loretta Butler-Turner of Butler's Funeral Homes & Crematoriums.

Police said they were investigating the death as they would any other in the Caribbean country, and they were waiting for a pathologist's report to determine the cause.

"We have got to give them time to do their job professionally and properly. I wait for them," Ferguson told the AP.

It was unclear whether a coroner had completed the autopsy, or if police would release the results.

"If the family requests that the information not be given out, then certainly, I imagine we would do as they ask," Ferguson said.

The body was identified at the morgue Monday by Smith's lawyer, Howard K. Stern, who is also handling arrangements with the funeral home, Butler said.

NASSAU, Bahamas — The 20-year-old son of Anna Nicole Smith died while visiting his mother in the hospital where the reality TV star and former Playboy playmate had given birth last week, a Bahamas police official said Monday.

Daniel Wayne Smith died Sunday at Doctors' Hospital in Nassau, Reginald Ferguson, assistant commissioner of the Royal Bahamian Police Force, said in an interview with The Associated Press. He said an autopsy was under way.

Smith arrived Saturday night in the Bahamas and apparently went directly to the hospital where he spent the night, Ferguson said.

Sources cited by the local newspaper Nassau Guardian have suggested that the cause of death was a "massive heart attack," but neither doctors nor the local coroner has confirmed this.

"It would appear from our report that the mother had gotten up, saw him in the chair and he appeared to be sound asleep," he said. "She tried to wake him up, he was unresponsive, and she sounded the alarm."

Anna Nicole Smith, 38, gave birth to a healthy 6-pound, 9-ounce girl at the hospital Thursday, her Web site said.

"Anna Nicole is absolutely devastated by the loss of her son. He was her pride and joy and an amazing human being," a statement on the site said. It said that drugs or alcohol were not believed to be a factor.

Her son had traveled to the Caribbean country "to share in the joy of his baby sister," the statement said. "Please do not make any press inquiries at this time so that Anna Nicole can grieve in peace."

Daniel Smith was the product of Smith's 1985 marriage to Billy Smith. The couple, who met while working together at Jim's Krispy Fried Chicken in Mexia, Texas, divorced in 1987.

The son had small roles in her movies "Skyscraper" and "To the Limit."

Robin Bonnema, a spokeswoman for Trimspa, the diet products company that has been endorsed by Smith, said she did not know the name of the baby girl's father.

Smith married Texas oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II in 1994, when she was 26 and he was 89. He died the following year.

She then feuded with Marshall's son, Pierce Marshall, over her entitlement to the tycoon's estate before he died in June at the age of 67.

In the long-running dispute, Smith had won a $474 million judgment, which was later cut to about $89 million and eventually reduced to zero. In May, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the Smith could continue to pursue the fortune in federal courts in California despite a Texas state court ruling that Marshall's youngest son was the sole heir.
http://www.annanicole.com/
© 2006 BMD

We need to feel good

2006-09-11T08:49:00.000-07:00

So imagine that this post is the equivalent of the DJ saying "okay now y'all, we're going to bring it down a notch for a minute" before announcing that it was Couples Skate only at the Planet Skate roller rink and arcade (Oh damn, I just totally dated myself). It's been 5 years since the Towers were hit.

I was in college at the time, in my design class. We were working on projects to demonstrate advanced color theory (girls, really, my homework was to demonstrate a fuckin' rainbow. How hard can that be for someone who aced his advanced homosexuality final??). I had heard about the first plane hitting on NPR (uh, my partner listens to that, not me. I'm on a steady diet of Britney, Xtina, and lil Kims), but they thought at that point that it was an accident. My family is military, so I kept getting calls from them telling me that no, it was something much worse. I had to leave class, but the teacher (who I would eventually argue with so much that I dropped out of college with the words "I don' t need your fucking piece of paper to tell me I can paint, bitch!") didn't mind. I went to my day job and we all sat around a TV watching everything unfold. I had to go for a walk, and I ended up inside St Mary's cathedral in downtown Austin, TX. I sat in a pew in the back because I didn't want to burst into flames or anything. I lit a candle and my dried up tear ducts managed to squeeze out a few puffs of salty air because my tears are gone, y'all.
I'll be back soon, hopefully with something fun and fluffy. (cuz OMG, New York is back on Flavor of Love 2 y'all! I nearly choked on my pork cracklin's when I saw that shit go down!)

© 2006 CH

In Remembrance

2006-09-11T05:24:00.000-07:00

Crazy....crazy for feelin'....so normal!!

2006-09-09T18:34:00.000-07:00

Uhhh.......well no shit!!

2006-09-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:
You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:
You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:
You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:
You have high neuroticism.
It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.
You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.
You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. You're either flying very high or feeling very low.

Openness to experience:
Your openness to new experiences is medium.
You are generally broad minded when it comes to new things.
But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

omgwtfbbq??

2006-08-30T09:17:00.000-07:00

Where have I been y'all? I don't even know. I got a little bit sick and then I come back and find that my homegirl is now the Diane Fosse of the crazy people crack shack and whore emporium (I say that with love, gurl, you know I do! you're diane fosse, not one of the crazies!).

Well, I do love hearing about the folk that live in Chili's world... but let's talk about sane people for a while!

Hmm...no, wait, that's not right. This bitch is just not right with Jesus. Or Xenu. Or Xena, for that matter. I hear he's apologized to Brooke Shields; that's good. I wonder why he did it though? Ho should apologize to Matt Lauer (who, by the way, is a total DILSO) (suck off, bitches, I don't do anal).

OH HOLY SHIT IT'S A GAY BLACK VIKING DEVIL!! No.. that's just Foofy Foo. Whew, thank Shiva he's not gay.

Well dang, it looks like we have no one to talk about... La Gayken has dropped off the map, probably gone back to his original career as a Celine Dion impersonator; and my own personal lord and savior Lil' Kims has disappeared. Where's the revolution Ms. Kims, where??

© 2006 CH

Somebody get these people a nerve pill, STAT!!

2006-08-16T19:30:00.000-07:00

Haaaaaaaay ya'll!! I had a KILLER birthday yesterday! I got a University of Texas wall clock, some cash, a novelty bar of soap, these cool kinda like playing cards about women who have made a difference in society and...my sister took me to dinner!! It was a good day.

I have finals this week, along with all this insanity. So, the following picture pretty much fits me!

Ummmm.....ok

2006-08-10T17:55:00.000-07:00

Just so ya'll know...I can see who has been visiting this web site. I sure am getting a LOT of hits from Oklahoma Ciry and Kansas City...so...I know you're watching! HAHAHAHA!!

Oh HELL!

2006-08-10T08:45:00.000-07:00

Oooooh ya'll!! So, I got moved in yesterday. I'm all set up. I gots me a bed, a TV/DVD combo, my desk and chair and tons o'storage! And I've got a mini-fridge and my coffee pot, too, so I can drink my snooty-ass flavored coffee. Oh, and there is an easy chair, too. Gurl, there is an older black lady that does the cooking, and I don't think I've had food that good since I last ate at Hoover's in Austin! I lurves me some soul food! You just KNOW I'ma get more fat than I already am!

I don't mean to sound uppity, because I'm not, but I am the most intelligent and educated of all the clients, and I am the most functional. We have one that's a drooler, a couple that walk and talk to themselves, and a couple that are just kinda slow. I will SO tell you stories once I get a grip of the schedule. My next door neighbor is as quiet as a mouse, gurl! And of course, I will be using pseudonyms for their names, because it just isn't kosher to violate their privacy. I wouldn't want anyone to break mine, so I'll do the same out of respect.

It's sad when the bed here sleeps better than my own, but it does. I didn't even make it till 10pm last night. I was so exhausted, I basically just dropped. Gurl, then the staff knocked on my door at 6AM!! Normally, I would have gone ape shit, but I didn't want a shot in the butt of something that would knock me out. However, nice as it would be, I had two assignments due today, so I needed to stay alert.

Ok babies, I'll find a story to write about for tomorrow...in "Tales From A Crazy Place: The Lithium Chronicles".

Ribbed...for somebody's damn pleasure

2006-08-04T21:08:00.000-07:00

I swear, ya'll...I really don't go looking for this stuff. I just seems to find me. Oh...and where do I sign up? LOL

Fri Aug 4, 11:34 AM ET LONDON (Reuters) - Hundreds of Britons are being urged to attend what is being branded as Europe's first "Masturbate-a-thon", a leading reproductive healthcare charity said on Friday.

Marie Stopes International, which is hosting the event with HIV/AIDS charity the Terrence Higgins Trust, said it expected up to 200 people to attend the sponsored masturbation session in Clerkenwell, central London, on Saturday. (Only 200? Now that's a damn shame!)

"It is a bit of a publicity stunt but we hope it will raise awareness" (it's gonna raise something, gurl!), a Marie Stopes spokeswoman told Reuters. "We want to get people talking about safer sex, masturbation and to lift taboos." (I'm not shaking ANYBODY'S hand after this!!)

Participants, who have to be over 18, can bring any aids they need (for some reason, I am NOT touching that statement) and can take part in four different rooms -- a comfort area, a mixed area, along with men and women only areas (how lovely!). However, the rules on the event's Web site states there can be no touching of other participants nor are people allowed to fake orgasms. (What the fuck?!?! How will they know if a woman is faking? Is there some sort of medical device to test for a real orgasm?)

"The amount you raise will be determined by how many minutes you masturbate and/or how many orgasms you achieve," the Web site said. (I'm getting tired and I need a ciggie after reading this) The Marie Stopes spokeswoman said local religious groups had been initially outraged, but after people had heard what the event was about, most had approved it. Police had also given it their approval. (They don't want no crust up in the jail!)

Similar events have been staged in San Francisco for the last six years raising $25,000 (13,000 pounds) for women's health initiatives and HIV prevention. If successful, Marie Stopes said it could take place elsewhere in mainland Europe next year.

DAYUM!

2006-08-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

Lawd, I am SO sorry, ya'll. It has just been a nuthouse up in here! Ok, so ANYway...well, we all know Mel Gibson is a prick, Pam Anderson and Kid Rock are skainky, Lohan will snort anything that won't snort her first AND Chili is moving.

Mmhmm...thas'right. I am going to be moving to another city on the 9th, so that's why I haven't posted anything in awhile. I've been busy arranging shit, signing forms, getting utilities turned on and what-not.

It's not exactly a break for freedom, but I'll finally have my own space...for a little while at least.
I'm going to be moving to an assisted living facility for people like me, who don't need to be in a nursing home, but can't live on their own because of disabilities.

My first residence is going to be at a facility for folks with mental illness. Don't be scurred, a little peace of mind, privacy, school, having room to breathe, my meds and of course, writing for you will be good for me.

GURL, you know I couldn't write some of this shit without being half crazy!

And I promise to post stories about the other people there, with pseudonyms. I guess I'll call it "Tales From a Crazy Place: The Lithium Chronicles". HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Basically, I plan to keep to myself and observe my fellow nutcases. Don't worry, I won't have a crazy roomate...I'll have my own space.

This will prove to be interesting, I'm sure! And so begins a new chapter of my life.

Where have I been?

2006-07-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

I was laying in bed last night, wedged firmly between my husband Bradley Pitt and the strangely hypnotic and magical vagina he's been hanging out with lately and I was suddenly struck by a thought:

I like cheese!
And then I thought "And don't I wrote stuff on that blog thing on the intar-webs?" And yeah, I remembered. But where have I been? Was I kidnapped by Claymates? Forced to watch Dr Phil and de-homofy myself? No, it was even worse than that.

My man-bag was stolen. The thieving bitch got my new cell phone, my iPod, my wallet (id and credit cards, bitches), and my check book. They also stole a bunch of cash (this happened at a place of bizness) and someone else's gas card. I found out that they used my checkbook and ID to purchase almost 250 bucks worth of liquor nearby, so between that and the cash I figure that someone had a party and I'm pissed off that they didn't invite the fuckin' hosts. Some people got no manners.

OH NO MY EYES!

BLOGGER ISN'T LET ME UPLOAD IMAGES FOR NOW, DANG IT! I had this awesomely scary picture of DF on the red carpet looking totally coked outta her head, she probably just snorts pop rocks though. Kids these days...

"I've found your weakness and I will now eat your soul" says Hollywood's hottest young actress.

I read yesterday that little Dakota Fanning (aka "quit yelling, you're making my ears bleed you little snotbag!") is filming some movie that details some rather intense physical and sexual abuse. It's gotten so bad that the film's backers have pulled out. Can I just say that I'm officially a-scared of her? F'real, she's like the anti-Lil' Kims. I hereby move to place that evil Trollkin at the top of the Vitriol's Most Wanted list. Let's bring her in before she bears the child of Xenu and rains destruction down on us from her >redacted by author who refuses to think of a euphemism for her bagina cuz yeah, I do have some kind of ethics or morals or some shit<. In other news

Not a whole lot is going on. I'm really disappointed that my shero Lil' Kims is keeping such a low profile. I guess jail really got to her; maybe I should bake her a cake? Knit her a hat or something? Let's all get together and warm her heart with a cool island song! Or wait, maybe we should just all cut the left boobs out of our shirts and stick Lisa Frank Stickers over our nipples as a show of solidarity with her. We will wear our homemade LK fashions to let her know that we're thinking of her and can't wait for her to jump start the revolution.

Yeah, still no pics allowed. I can't believe I blew my wad with "I like cheese" . Fuck. Oh well, if you want scary pics, scroll down two entries...

© 2006 CH

Betty had a bad day...

2006-07-24T20:29:00.000-07:00

Gurl, all I could think was that I've had worse days than this one! Enjoy...it's hysterical!

Weekend nibble...or dribble?

2006-07-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

WTF?!?!?! GURL!! Ok, I really have seen it ALL now. EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!! Ok, the definition of this nas-TAY activity is...
Lesbian bukkake is a lesbian group sex activity wherein a series of women take turns ejaculating on one woman.
The phenomenon gained in popularity after 2004 when JM Productions released their first pornographic movie in the Lesbian Bukkake series.
Because women do not generally ejaculate during orgasm, in practice most pornographic films that purport to depict female ejaculation actually show women urinating. (ooooh nuh-UNH!!)
Oh, HELL to the FUCK to the NO!!

From Oz with lurve...

2006-07-18T22:40:00.000-07:00

I was going to do this earlier, but stuff happened and I forgot about it. So, now that I've remembered, it's time to post it. My Aussie friend Lolita (her Musings Of A Bitch blog has a link on this page) said that I reminded her of the singer Pink, so Lolita took an image of my face and brilliantly put it on Pink's body, complete with nicotine and a hint of boobage!! So...thank you so much, Lolita. Oh yeah, you freaks, Lolita is straight. But very gay friendly. So you better be nice to her. She's a sweet girl. :-)

Gab With Gurl!!

2006-07-18T14:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Gurl,

help me. i am getting bullied reali badly. but it isnt any normal bullying. they bully me because i have started growing testicles. AND I AM A GURL!!! they fell out in the p:e chnaging rooms and i screamed. they punch me and everything calling me a man and stuff. what should i do? is it normal for a gurl?. from dearly unhappy. call me faith

Dear stupid fucking cunt,
First of all, get a dictionary and learn how to spell. Also, learn how to use punctuation properly. Shit, no wonder people punch your toe-up ass. Ok, listen VERY closely. You say you are growing testicles, right? And you say you're a "gurl". This is technically incorrect. Real "GURLS", such as myself, have BALLS, not testicles. Huge difference. So, they are calling you a man because your testicles are dropping, and that's when happens to men, dumb bitch. And what the fuck? You don't know how the hell to punch back? Go watch "The Crying Game" and shut the fuck UP! Oh, and where Jaye Davies tries to take his own life, you should too. But you should try really hard to succeed.
I don't have the time to REALLY go off on your ass because I have dinner reservations with friends, and I'm going to take a disco nap. Then, when I wake up, I'm going to call in my stylist, hairdresser and make-up artist and scream at them, because you have pissed me off.
You may have faith, but you are totally hopeless due to your sheer stupidity. It's disco nap time. Go away.

Love,
Gurl

Celebrity Fun Facts

2006-07-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

Below are some little known-facts about some of our favorite people... no pictures today, so I apologize to the stupid people who are now looking at the screen saying "where's the pitchers of lil kims??" Go watch your stories, dumbfucks!
Angelina Jolie can survive for a week on the water she stores in her lower lip.
Kim Fields- Tootie from the Facts of Life- can be used as an emergency flotation device.
Christina Aguilera is neither animal, vegetable or mineral. She is a complex mirage created through the distortion of light through lenses, colored gels, and naturally occuring methane gas. Her voice is nothing more than the previously mentioned methane gas escaping from deep crevices in the Earth's crust.
Tom Cruise will eat your baby.
Meryl Streep is not a lesbian, but she can teach you a thing or two about appreciating the lady-parts.
Alexis Arquette is the product of generations of selective breeding to produce the best actress EVAR. She's like, the Quisatz Haderach of Hollywood, y'all. Wiki that shit, trolls.
Mel Gibson is your father. I'm sorry.

© 2006 CH

Sista Jenn news!!

2006-07-17T00:41:00.000-07:00

All I can say is YOU GO GURL!! Gurlfriend is hitting it bigtime!

JO FM and STANDING UP - screen in Berlin. Screening August 3rd

The curator at the newly opened "itowe Gallery" (in conjuntion with our Ebony Delight, The Breakdown) in Berlin, Germany is showing JO FM and STANDING UP as an installation piece projected throughout the museum beginning August 3rd. Very excited about the Deutschland exhibit!

(Gurl, STANDING UP is SO surreal!! When I saw it, the only way I could express how I felt about it to Jenn was that it felt like I could touch the vivid colors of the film and feel a temperature and texture! Brilliant!!)

JO FM to play at Cinesol Film Festival. Screening September 8th - 10th
Showing with The Texas Filmmakers Showcase 2006: Bubblecraft, Full Metal Slacks, JO FM, North of Ojinaga, Redemptitude, Room 314, Roslyn, Sole Mates, The Faith of Joey Rail, Vincent Valdez: The Art of Boxing, and Youngster.

(JO FM was a film that touched my heart...Jenn and I know the inside story and feeling behind it.)

AND!!
Jenn Garrison to direct "The Ticket"
News Update
August 1st
Executive Producer and writer Jennifer Crusius has asked Jenn to direct the short film "The Ticket". This is Jenn's first director for hire opportunity, working with a script that she hasn't written or developed.

Synopsis:

Esperanza is a nineteen year-old girl who lives in Houston with her Mexican-American parents and her three younger siblings. She works hard to contribute to her familys income while she saves up to go to school.

On a whim, she and a friend decide to buy Texas Lotto tickets. That same day, Esperanza returns home to discover that her father is very sick. He is no longer able to work and her income will become crucial to her familys survival. Esperanza forgets about the ticket.

We soon find out Esperanza picked the winning numbers, though she herself is oblivious. She takes a job as a waitress at a strip club, but it is not long before she becomes a stripper. As she struggles to bring in more money, her moral boundaries are tested. When she discovers her father needs surgery, we wonder how far she is willing to go.

Throughout the story, the winning ticket is in danger of being lost or stolen. Will Esperanza lose the ticket and never claim her winnings? Will she lose her self and never again be whole? This question becomes one and the same in The Ticket.

Sista Jenn had also had screenings in Los Angeles and Canada! Everyone needs to give her a well-deserved pat on the back.

We here at The Vitriol love and fully support Jenn!!
(I totally stole the picture from Jenn and the news items from GinJar Productions)

You're eidah iiiin, or you're owt!

2006-07-17T00:04:00.000-07:00

Mmhmm. Gurls...it's BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!! Project Run With Scissors (and stab Jay McCarroll) just started season 3 this week. I smell some queeny drama coming up (pun intended) early in the season. I'm sorry, but everybody I know who watches this brilliance is gay. They NEED to call that shit Project RunGay. Austin Scarlett SHOULD have won season 1. But nooooooooo...that had to give it to that freak Jay. I was kinda suprised that Chloe won last season. I really wanted Andrae' (what happened to Andre'?) to win. Or Nick. Somewhere, in the archives, I have the gif file of Nick rolling his eyes. But one of the best moments in TV history EVER was Santino going the fuck OFF at pisssy Michael Kors. He was all, "blah blah, people don't even know who Michael Kors is...blah, blah, blah". I just about DIED. Kors pissy little balloon got busted. Thank gawd. And Nina Garcia...well, she's chilled out somewhat, but she still needs a big 'ole bitchslap right in the kisser. Knock that bitch off of her director's chair. Chirrenz, did ya'll see that "Project Jay" show (it was only one episode) where Heidi wanted him to design a dress for her for some big event that I don't remember? Mmhmm. They had to bring in some old no-label queen designer to help him!! I fell the fuck OUT when she dissed his damn dress. And guess who I just found out actually made the dress (very flattering, by the way) Heidi wore to said event? KERA SAUN!! Gurl, she made a better damn dress than Jay and he won that shit? You GO my sassy ebony sistah! And she has her own boutique in Los Angeles and Jay currently has NOTHING going on in New York City. I'm trying to restrain myself from falling out of my chair for laughing at him! Ooooh, and when Jay had to get a haircut for a walk-on performance, did anyone besides me notice who the hairdresser was? Mmhmm...it was JASON (ka-weeeeeen) from Blowout, who mysteriously was not in season two of Blowout. HMMM. He must have made Jonathan cry or some shit. That bitch always cries!
But, I digress...this ain't about crying Jonathan or Justin, it's about Season 3 of Project Runway!! I hope that old crazy man gets booted out. He's really weird...like, weirder than me, and THAT'S weird!
Oh well, I'm just glad it's back on. I was having an ANTM and PR withdrawal! And WTF is up with Heidi's hair in that picture? Did her baby with Seal do her weave that day?!?! Oh, gurl...don't EVEN get me started. Later, babies!!

Back from the dead, again

2006-07-12T08:53:00.000-07:00

Oh my god y'all, I just discovered the best diet ever. See what you do is you get an intestinal flu, and then you throw up for three days straight. I know, I know, bulimia is a disease, but that's not all! When you quit yawning in technicolor, the diarrhea begins. THE POUNDS JUST FALL OFF. Run off? Drip away??

No, it wasn't like that, but it was similar. Seriously, I thought I was gonna die. I didn't even think about going to the doctor until I realized I'd lost 8 pounds in two days. So I waited another two days and then went to see him. I can wear my skinny clothes again, haay!

In that time I just laid in bed and did nothing. I watched one episode of the World Series of Pop Culture, and I think I would nail that shit. I need some other PopCult whores to form a team with, anyone up for it?

I'm gonna go read some gossip now to find out what's been happening... © 2006 CH

Thank You, Chuck!

2006-07-11T21:42:00.000-07:00

A BIG thanks to Chuck for keeping The Vitriol going while I was away. I was indisposed, but I'm ok now and no need to worry. I'm also trying to catch up with my college assignments I missed while I was away.

Ok....time for some funNAY shit!! Hohan prefers Coke
This shit really cracked me up!

and... Suri is REAL, supposedly. Pffft. I'll believe that shit when I see it.

OH HAPPY DAY!

2006-07-03T09:27:00.000-07:00

No no no, today isn't the day that Clay finally professes his love for me, today is the day the Lil' Kims gets outta jail! She's been let out early because of her good behavior; that means she didn't shank any bitches what didn't already deserve it. That's class, y'all.

Now I know that some of you are thinking "What can I do to celebrate this most momentous of occasions?" and so I will let you know a secret. When I'm faced with problems or situations that I don't understand or know how to deal with (wif?), I ask myself:

WWLKD?

Yeah? What would Lil' Kims do??

So here is what I'ma do. I'm taking today off to rest and relax. I will go to the spa for a massage and then get my weave did up and then get a manicurr and pedicurr. Color to be decided later. I will then sleep while my Skanky Clothes Elves whip up a new monochromatic outfit (which my nails and weave will match, natch). I will then spend the 4th of July celebrating FREEDOM! The freedom of Lil' Kims! I will celebrate just like her; swallowing footlong hotdogs whole, pouring out 4os for my homies back in the jail, and possibly re-learning how to do guys. As part of my 4th of July theme, I may decide to go old school and do Freedom Williams.

Is that dope enough? Indeed.

Peace out, bitches, and happy 4th. PS - this blog may just be me for a little bit; send your peace and love vibes to my bald sistah Chili. She needs the lurve right now, y'all.

© 2006 CH

Ignunt-ass eBay item of the day

2006-06-30T02:22:00.000-07:00

Ok, this is actually pretty funny, and I like the cause these guys support, but...are they supposed to be a new and improved model post-disaster?!?!
See the details HERE.

Starfucker Wars

2006-06-30T01:23:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: Ooooooooooh GURL!!! This just in from the wires: (well, as of Wednesday)
(Important stuff in red, my comments in blue)

Star Jones Reynolds was booted from "The View'' Wednesday, one day after surprising ABC and Barbara Walters by saying on the air that she wouldn't be returning to the daytime talk show in the fall.
Reynolds was quickly erased from the show's opening credits, now down to three women from the usual five.
Gurl, there IS a God!
"It is becoming uncomfortable for us to pretend that everything is the same at this table,'' said show creator Walters. "Therefore, regrettably, Star will no longer be on this program.''
Gurl, what really happened is ABC called fish eyes and told her not to bother coming into work today! Or ever again in her life!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
ABC had decided against renewing Reynolds' contract months ago and the show was planning to let Reynolds announce it later this week, according to Walters. Reynolds could say whatever she wanted to about why she was leaving, "and we would back her up,'' the longtime ABC newswoman said.
Instead, Walters said she felt blindsided when Reynolds broke the news Tuesday, then was quoted in People magazine as saying she felt like she was fired.
"We gave her time to look for another job and hoped that she would announce it on this program and leave with dignity,'' Walters said. "But Star made another choice.''
She's just pissed because her husband is gay AND because EVERYONE hates her ass!! That, and she knew she could NOT compete with the most obnoxious dyke on earth. Rosie. Or is it me? Hmmmm. I'm pretty sure that I'm more obnoxious, but I digress!!
Reynolds' spokesman (spokeswhore, as Michael K calls it) did not return calls and e-mails seeking comment.
Well, of course not!! I smell a fish-eyed bitch who's a lawyer (as if you hadn't heard THAT shit a million times) getting ready to sue some people!! She'll lose. As Madea says, "Hallelooyer!".
Walters didn't discuss on the air why Reynolds, an original cast member who's been on the show for nine years, wasn't being asked back. She said in an interview Tuesday that research showed audience members were turned off by Reynolds' dramatic weight loss and glitzy wedding to (gay) banker Al Reynolds in 2004.
Reynolds later retorted that TV ratings and her book sales indicated this wasn't true.
Um, yeah, you dumb bitch, it IS true!! And yo' gay-ass husband gonna leave yo' cancelled Payless Shoes contract ass too! Gurl, you KNOW your ass didn't buy shoes from there! But if you want great shoes, Starfucker, I know a FABULOUS place to get a pair of Jimmy Choo's for five dollahs!
"The View'' is bringing on Rosie O'Donnell to replace Meredith Vieira in September, and the hunt is now on for Reynolds' replacement. Walters said Reynolds may still appear on the show in recorded segments.
NOOOOOOOOOO!! You FIRED her ass, say NO to recorded segments!! Just say NO, Baba Wawa!! Ooooh, gurl!! You just KNOW Starfucker is gonna get all fat again and regret she spent all that money for her bariatric surgery. Diet and exercise my ass. Pffffft.
And oh, Starfucker, don't let the door hit you in your flabby ass as you leave. And take that damned bitch Nancy Grace with you. She's a lawyer (again, we've heard that shit a million times), too, ya' know!!
And WTF?!?! Is that an animal sewn into her crooked weave, or what?!?!

Today in Gay History!!

2006-06-27T21:43:00.000-07:00

On Friday, June 27th, 1969, late in the evening, New York City police made a planned raid on The Stonewall Inn, which was a gay dance bar at 53 Christopher Street in Greenwich Village.

What began simply for the police department as a routine "fag-bar" raid quickly escalated into five nights and early morning hours disturbances during which LGBT people decided literally to fight back.

Leading the fight were transgender people and people of color. On the first night, employees were arrested. Some customers were told to leave. Others were detained. But the raid turned ugly around 2 a.m. Saturday morning when angry LGBT people and others started yelling "GAY POWER!" and throwing stones, coins, and bottles.

The cops barricaded themselves inside on one of the nights, and the place was attacked from outside by as many as 300-400 people. The police, trapped inside, called for reinforcements. Not all onlookers were pleased, and some threw bottles at the LGBT people.When police reinforcements arrived, some of the rioters dispersed for awhile, but regrouped.

For the next several evenings, and after the media reported the eye-catching, escalating incident, they and hundreds of others returned. The word got around fast.

The last week of June 1969 became known as the time of the Stonewall Rebellion, which inspired the start of US Gay Pride Week.

(plus, there's that whole Judy Garland death thing, and the Tate/LaBianca murders commited by the Manson family a month later, but that's a history lesson for another day, chirrenz!)

Starfucker

2006-06-27T20:56:00.000-07:00

Star Jones was fired from The View. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! And HOW long have we been waiting for this shit? She announced her departure from the show today, and I could just feel Joy Behar being smug.
She said: "Something's been on my heart for a little bit, and after much prayer and counsel I feel like this is the right time to tell you that the show is moving in another direction for its tenth season and I will not be returning as cohost next year," (oh boo-fucking-hoo...STFU!!)
She later told People that it wasn't her choice:
"What you don't know is that my contract was not renewed for the tenth season,"
"I feel like I was fired."
Um, you WERE fired, you fish-eyed fool!!
The rest of the cast went through the motions and pretended to give a shit even though inside they were screaming with joy. Welllllllllllllll shit...I was just waiting for Rosie to go the fuck OFF on her and then have Joy Behar go off on her bariatric-surgery ass and call her a bitch to her face!

GURL, and you just KNOW since the bitch ain't got no job anymore, GAL (gay Al) is gonna leave her ass for some rich-ass old ka-weeeeeen!! Just you wait. Mark my damn word. Werd.

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2006-06-27T11:14:00.000-07:00

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Have a wonderful day!! :-D

Chirrenz of MySpace

2006-06-23T17:40:00.000-07:00

And THESE are the people who are going to take care of us when we're old? Fuck...just shoot my ass now!! Shit...it's very different from Generation X, where our big, rebellious anthem was "Kids In America" by Kim Wilde. I guess it's like M. Cho said..."we'll be 80 in a nursing home saying, 'oh, put on Hungry Like The Wolf again!'"

Betty at the auditions...

2006-06-23T17:30:00.000-07:00

Every gawd damn medication known to man!! Ya'll have fun!!

Separated at Birth? Gayken Edition!

2006-06-16T05:34:00.000-07:00

Long lost Twins? Clones? WTF? BBQ??
Uh, Clay? I TOLD you that your hair was done, but did you listen? I almost typed "dumb boy", but I don't think he's technically male anymore.

This is that Peter Pan guy that's been running around the internets for YEARS... When I saw La Gayken's photo (taken at an NHL game in NC- Yeah, that's got us fooled into thinking that you're butch) I thought of him immediately. I contacted Peter Pan and axed him if he knew La Gayken, and he told that about 5 years ago he noticed a strange mole on his ribcage. He had it removed and it grew into what we now know as Clay "Hog-Smoker" Gayken. He also mentioned that if we feed him after midnight, he will become Rob Halford of Judas Priest.Aaaaand Finally! Undeniable proof that Clay is indeed a brightly flaming star in our atmosphere.... Here he is at that same game (with that same fucking hair) with the ultimate gay accessory; the fag hag.
I'm not going to say anything mean about her. I wonder if Clay is trying to pretend to be straight to her? You be the judge! is he saying:

A.) You shore got a purty mouth

B.) um Chelsea, pretzels are CARBS

C.) Does this buttplug make my ass look fat?

© 2006 CH

Waiting for the Fall

2006-06-13T07:35:00.000-07:00

Lil' Kims Update, 6-13-06

Well, we're just 3 months away from the world being a better place. Lil' Kims was sentenced back in June of last year, but didn't turn herself in until the very day possible. You KNOW she's planning to come out with a fall line of clothes, makeup, and even a few fragrances.

SHIV, by Lil' Kims - Stick it to him.

this complex fragrance starts with topnotes of body odor and homespun jumpsuits. The midnotes are a mellow blend of stale mattress, toilet-brewed wine, and powdered egg. The base notes are a long lasting meeting of unwashed coochie and tears.

F'real y'all, I can't wait for the goddess to be released. On that day we will rejoice, old school.

© 2006 CH

Chitlins', Collard Greans and Cornbread!!

2006-06-11T18:12:00.000-07:00

Because you KNOW that shit is all about church!

I Be Back

2006-06-07T21:09:00.000-07:00

Chirrenz!! How I missed you so!! Anyway, my ass is back...even if I AM raggin'. UGH!! This here post will just be a little one, as I need to take my fat ass to bed. But I'll be back within a day or two with new schtuff!! *MWAH*

Gayppliances

2006-06-03T11:09:00.000-07:00

Not since C-3PO has the world seen a gadget as gay as my new phone.

a little backstory... I've been a sprint customer for almost 8 years, not always happy, but still there. Every two years they would give me 200 bucks off of a phone in order to get me to sign a contract, and I kept on signing 'em. Anywhoodia, I got fed up with them and broke up with them a week ago.

A week without a cell phone nearly killed me; I kept patting my pants pockets looking for something phonelike. So yeah, I finally got new service. From cingular. I like 'em so far. But my phone!

Soooo gay. The only way it could be gayer would be if you wedged it delicately into Bobby Trendy's asscrack and then set off fireworks. So by now you guessed that I got the trendy and totally overdone pink Razr phone. Big woop, right? See, it's the ringtones that really make it gay.

Ugh, this post is boring me already. I can't talk about electronics for too long, cuz you know what? I don't really care. This is basically my way of telling Chili that "hey bitch, I lost my old phone and I need you to call me so that I can get your number again." So email and I'll give you my digits, and if you're lucky I'll talk to you like I'm lil' Kim and you're my Martha Stewart.

Why do I own so many pink appliances though? I don't even like pink.

Whatever happened to... with a segue into The Rules

News of the birth of Shiloh Nouvelle Cuisine Jolie-Pitt has totally eclipsed little Suri Cruise. Dang, not even a few months old and already she's relegated to supporting roles. Oh well, just keep in mind these rules for social interaction:

If you're hot, you can do whatever you want to whomever you want to do it to. This includes parking in handicapped spots and passing on STDs.

If you're not hot, you better be fucking witty, because the only way you'll get a hot piece of ass (like mine) is by trapping me with words.

If you're fat, you're required to be funny. I think that generations of selective breeding has actually made this a genetic reality; if you're fat, you're funny. I'm laughing at you, Perez, not with you.

Okay, I totes had images to upload to illustrate this, but blogger is not letting me upload. Gah. Okay, just imagine the funniest shit ever, like, right in there. Hahaha! Yeah, I rock!

© 2006 CH

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

2006-06-02T10:13:00.003-07:00

Ok, kids...you know how hard I work to keep your asses entertained. Well, since I didn't take holiday last week when there actually WAS a holiday in the U.S., I am taking one this weekend. I have company coming in from out of town, and I want to spend time with them!! Soooo...Chuck will have to take it over this weekend if he has time.
Now, ya'll do everything I wouldn't do...but just don't get arrested. Because I am not bailing your ass outta jail, ok?

In today's news...

2006-05-31T04:34:00.000-07:00

Jessica Christ speaks

Little Shiloh Pitt-Jolie spoke today, proving herself to be the savior of the world as we know it (or at least as creepy as that little girl from Dune). She wanted the world to know she is not responsible for the name given to her and that she will change it as soon as she can. I mean really? Nouvel? Not 'nouvelle', but Nouvel? Noo-vull? WTF? I read that Penn Gillette had his first daughter just over a year ago and named her 'Moxie Crimefighter' , and see, at least she can say "well, my dad is a comedian..." Poor little Shiloh can only say "My parents think that they're gods and they named me after a civil war battlefield." Pobre nina.

Lil Kims Watch (5-31-06)

Well, she was sentenced to one year and one day for perjury on June 4th, and that means that we should have her back out and probably in production for another VH1 reality show by next Tuesday. When reached for comment she shanked me with a shiv she made from a toothbrush handle and I passed out from blood loss. I have this new tattoo now, and I think I'm her bitch... hot.

Here she is after doing some remodeling to her home just last year. She had to wear her "paint harness" so as not to ruin any of her fine homemade fashions, and her jeans are covered with paint from her bedroom, which she did up in a color called "battered snatch". Coincidentally, that's what she's been accused of causing during her stay in prison. Hott.

© 2006 CH

It's a GURL!!

2006-05-27T20:34:00.000-07:00

Everybody, please welcome little Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt to the world!! Mmhmm...thas'right. Details are still limited at this point. Said Brad Pitt's spokeswhore: “The night of May 27, 2006 in Namibia, Africa, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt welcomed their daughter Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. No further information is being given,” publicist Cindy Guagenti said in a statement. No photographs were being released, she added.

Chirrenz, you KNOW that kid looks something like this...

Now all they need to do is adopt a little hispanic boy and they'll truly have a global family!!
Gurl, we needed little Shiloh because evil alien baby Suri Cruise looks like this:

Damn!! I'm skeert now!
I can't wait to hear Chuck and The Breakdown's take on this...I will fall the fuck OUT laffin'!!

Don't bother reading this, it's all crap

2006-05-24T04:36:00.000-07:00

What have I got for you today? Nothing. B-rad and Angie haven't had a baby yet, and the world is waiting for it's savior. I hear that they're proposing that the day of birth become a national holiday in Namibia in celebration. If I were them, I'd be leaving now because it looks like the Namibians are getting pretty attached. "I like you a lot, but I think we're moving a little too fast" is the phrase that comes to mind.

Wake me when it's over

There's so much talk about the American Idol finale tonight, and you know what? I just don't care. The final 2, Taylor and GirlClone #3479 are both as bland and appealing to me as day old oatmeal. Taylor can sing, but I can't stand to watch him, it's like watching Joe Cocker trying to fuck while high on speed. And I'm talking 1970s black beauties, that shit would fuck a bitch up. And the girl can sing, but she could be anyone. Except me, cuz I can't sing.

Clap if you believe in Fairies

Britney has left the Kaballah. She said on her website that she has no time for religion and that her son is her religion. Her mother apparently put the kibosh (wtf is a kibosh anyway? I think it sounds like a mini-sausage snack. TRY NEW KIBOSH, Y'ALL!) on it when she got tired of the asking for money.

That's right honey, you hold on to your cash! You're working on a new album and your scraggly manwhore is supposedly done with his. You just sit tight, and maybe you'll get lucky and develop a vicodin addiction that will help ease the pain. Look at Whitney girl, don't go crazy, okay?

In the meantime, here's a picture of Britney's tattoo. I can't tell if that's her hip or her low back, either way it's a classic example of the "tramp stamp".

I've changed my mind

2006-05-22T06:53:00.000-07:00

I read a lot of gossip blogs, and that whole thing with Britney and the tripping and almost dropping the baby made me actually feel bad for her (my heart is tiny and cold, but it does occasionally manage to squeeze out an emotion). That picture of her crying? I just wanted to hug her and make her eat a tortilla. There, there honey, have some carbs.

I reserve the right to change my mind and make fun of her in the future. Don't get used to me being nice.

Lil' Kim Watch

Isn't Lil' Kims supposed to be getting out of jail soon? God, I can't wait! I do love me some Lil' Kims! She is seriously a high class woman; not afraid to let it all hang out and also really polite (dudes, she totally let Diana Ross cop a feel cuz hey, she's Diana Ross and she can touch any booby that she wants to touch. Don't mess with Miss Ross!). I present you now with the many looks of Lil Kims!

Here she is leaving the courthouse on July 7th of last year; she was sentenced to 1 year and 1 day for perjury. Perjury? That's like, how much you make for giving handjobs to 12 people, right??

They totally threw the book at her, and you know why? Cuz she's all covered up, and that weave is so home-made. She needs to rock the kanekalon Beyonce`-style.

This picture makes my tummy feel funny! Do you know how much I would pay to have been Lil Kims' booby in that picture?? Also, you know a lady is High Class when her hair matches her outfit. I refrain from any and all "carpet matches the drapes" jokes; I'm so over it.

PS to Miss Ross- we love you but damn! You need some boot camp!

Okay, so because I can't see a boob and only one clam-flap, I suppose this is la Kim being Demure. oh yeah- the dress is brown, that's totally Demure.

What's with the mouth? I've seen a lot of pictures of Lindsey Hobag lately with her mouth open, like a photographer said "it's sexy", and she filed it away for later... It's not, y'all. Except on you, Lil Kims, anything you do is sexy!

She really does look so prim and proper here, at least relatively speaking. The only thing that could be more reserved would be a burqa.

Oh shit, forget that about the burqa, girlfriend apparently made her own...

Dear Goddesses of the Vitriol, please raise Lil Kims out of the depths and welcome her to your sistah-hood; she can be the Patron Saint of Hot Ghetto Messes.

© 2006 CH

Reason # 13 to read The Vitriol

2006-05-19T23:03:00.000-07:00

We hate Bobby Trendy!!

Ok, Chuck...it's your turn, gurl!! Mama needs some rest!!

Ty Ty Haaaay!!

2006-05-19T22:38:00.000-07:00

I watched the final of America's Next Tranny....oops, Top Model. Danielle won that shit!! You GO GURL, withcher country self and yer beautiful little toof gap!! She deserved that shit tho. Gurl werked it!! So...my prediction was wrong. Nnenna got booted. Sue me.

Miss Jay say haaaaaaay!!
Psssst...you can get a KICK ASS recap of the show HERE!!
Thank you, sweet Rich!

Sitting Shiva #2...

2006-05-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

So, it was a busy TV night on Thursday. Will & Grace has also gone into syndication land. I must admit, I really liked how it all ended. Everyone was a little older, grayer, wiser, and gorgeous. It reminded me when I went back to Austin a few months ago and met up with some dear friends of mine. We've changed, of course, but we are still catty as hell, fierce, and fabulous!!
It's funny how our hearts are still loyal after all these years.

Oh, and ER's season finale was on Thursday night, too. It was NOT all that, gurl!!
I should have been studying. Oh well...I needed a break!!

Sitting Shiva...

2006-05-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

Ah...one of my favorite shows is now gone to syndication land. That 70's Show was introduced to me in 1998 by my friend Felipe. I have watched every single episode since. I hate to say this shit, but I had tears in my eyes when Eric came back and Donna was there. *sigh*
Oh well, I have the first 4 seasons on DVD, so I can check out Laura Prepon's boobs whenever I want!!

Ghetto Prom #4

2006-05-19T21:16:00.000-07:00

Gurl lookin' like Beyonce' all up in here!! She will eat a skinny bitch UP!!

Ignunt-ass eBay item of the day...

2006-05-14T00:05:00.000-07:00

Oh, HELL naw!! Ya'll, I did a search on eGay, and I found THIS!! (<--click here)
I have only one thing to say.
In the words of wisdon from Shirley Q. Liquor, "It's...ignunt".
Ok, two things...this shit ain't as good as that bobblehead Marguerite Perrin doll!! I still want that damn thing!

Sista Jenn hits the big time!!

2006-05-10T17:34:00.000-07:00

Along with earning the title of Dr. Jenn, my beloved friend was covered by The Daily Texan as well!! All of us here at The Vitriol love ya, gurl!!

Filmmaker offers 'outsiders' a voice - Life & Arts

Those eyes kinda freak me out, but in a way, they are sooo hawt, ya'll!
(And yeah, I totally ripped off this picture!)

Meet these folks!

2006-05-10T06:16:00.000-07:00

Chances are that you've met one or both of these types of people already, so here are the words that you need to properly identify them.

Pedrophiles

Here's my future ex-husband Ricky Martin; who's that with him? He's hot, he's white, and he's in love with my man. Now I don't know this Mystery Man's past, but for our purposes we will pretend that he's a gay man with an almost exclusive taste for Latin men. What does that make him? A PEDRO-PHILE. File that away. Copyrighted, bitches!

Ghettrosexual

From the neck up, these guys are straight up thugs...but as your eyes begin to wander down... wtf?? These are some ghettrosexual lady-menz. That one on the right in black? HAWT.

Now if your eyes are strong and you think you can handle it, keep on reading... what you're about to see is a GHETTROSEXUAL TRAIN WRECK! She's as many shades of wrong as shades of eyeshadow she's wearing!

Updates!

2006-05-10T05:27:00.000-07:00

Hey Folks! Look, I'm still alive! And I have updates. Kind of.

Separated at birth?

Sir Frogulus, knight of the Creepy Deepy Swamp. He fights for the rights of amphibians and is known throughout the land as a fair and fashionable creature. What a great frog!

John Paulus; he had a night of creepy bareback sex with Clay Aiken. Outing people, even if we all know how flaming they are, isn't really honorable. He says he's sorry though, so I'd still nail him, it's not like I'd have to look at his face... I'm sorry Baby Jesus, I didn't mean to make you cry!

The truth is out there!

By now everyone knows that Tom and Katie done had their little alien baby, but did you know that there is talk that she is the Moonchild of Scientology? See, I'm sure this is crap, because they say that the Moonchild is the antichrist, born of Satan, and Scientologists don't believe in Satan! Aliens blowing up other aliens in volcanoes millions of years ago- sure... soul-vacuums, sure... Satan? Nope, that's crap!

OMGWTFBBQ!

Holy Dang Britney, keep yer legs shut!

Yeah, I know y'all are waiting for a "oops, she done it again" joke, but IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. I'm way too high class for that sort of thing- I drink my malt liquor out of a cup, y'all!

Instead I will choose to celebrate the genius of Brit-Brit and her scruffy manwhore. They've already fucked up the one kid they had together, so they've decided to make another one and this time do it right; they're gonna hire two nannys, y'all! And no diet coke in the bottle this time, at least not unless it's the kind that has lime in it, cuz lime is healthy, right? This baby ain't gonna git scurvy, fo'sho!

I just feel bad for poor little bubble-headed Sean Preston; he's probably going to end up living in a tower somewhere, ringing bells and wearing his parents cast off clothing. I see it now... Quasimodo in Hudsons (those are man-capris, y'all) and a furry sports bra. Sally Struthers, get your ass back to work, we need you!

... and now I need to get back to work!

And she still dunno the answer to this question....

2006-05-09T15:59:00.000-07:00

Shirley Q. Liquor speaks!

2006-05-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

GURL!! Shirley Q. Liquor has sent a special message to the black homosexicals in all of us!

Dead Hooker Dish!

2006-05-06T20:52:00.000-07:00

Ooooh, ya'll!! Remember the dead hooker I told you about in the Charlie Sheen post? WELL, it turns out that she wasn't murdered, but she OD'd on pills and it caused liver failure. So technically, she died from liver failure. This shit just gets more fucked up by the week!! AND, her mother is thinking about suing Charlie for wrongful death! Personally, I just think the gurl got into some bad shit when she was an "escort" (fancy-ass name for whore) and couldn't take it anymore. It's sad, though. She had 3 kids...and that ain't something to laugh about. Even me, being as mean as I am, won't make fun of that. Read about her HERE and HERE. Then, if you wanna blow some cash (no pun intended...but that shit IS funny), you can visit her official website HERE.

Ghetto Prom #3

2006-05-03T06:48:00.000-07:00

Gurl, you just KNOW Britney got knocked up with the second kid here!!

Hugs to Dedi for the picture!

Equal Opportunity Offender...

2006-04-29T12:11:00.000-07:00

10 TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Elvis really is dead.
2. Jesus was not white.
3. Rap music is here to stay.
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5 year old child is to big for a stroller.
8. N`SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.

9. An occasional butt whoopin' helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children cuss you out in public is not normal.

10 TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Hickeys are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every daughter.
6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
8. Buttoning just the top button or your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.
10 TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. O.J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a Kool-Aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not recquire tacky, expensive clothing.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.

I picked out the pictures for this, but my dear friend MizRo sent me this one! Thanks, gurl!! *HUGGLE*

Masturbate more!!

2006-04-29T10:01:00.000-07:00

I don't think I can add to this one!! I want to thank my friend FMouie for sending this to me!! *BIG HUGS* to ya, baybee!
© 2006 BMD

I'm back from hiding!

2006-04-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

See, I was contacted by extra-dimensional forces, and that shit scared me y'all. I was abducted by aliens, lured into their ship (which was disguised as a mobile Origins counter, cuz Clinique is only for cheap ass sorority girls) by Posh Spice herself, Victoria Beckham (nee Addams). She was sitting at a vanity table, made from the bones of Vanity 6 (the Sheen had been there earlier, he done killeded him some hookers!). Maria Shriver was there, and she was teaching Lady Becks how to sharpen her cheekbones with a Doublemint gum wrapper (what we call Macgyver style in my hood, yo) and explaining to her the importance of big, dark hair and matching sunglasses.

Posh and the Shrivertron 3000 were just about to eat my soul when I remembered "Oh yeah, I'm a total mexican! I can pray!" I lifted my voice in prayer to the patron Saint and supreme goddess of gay gothic mexicans, Diamanda Galas.
"Gurl, I'm in trouble gurl! These white ladies is crazy!"

...and within seconds she appeared, looking like she was channeling Elvira (also a member of The Vitriol's pantheon of Goddesses). She slapped the bitches, tore their dresses, and then burned Posh's weave. Then we went out for a burrito, a mojito, and then we partied with judge Sam Ito. The end.

© 2006 CH

Charlie and the Dead Hooker Factory

2006-04-25T11:59:00.000-07:00

I get update emails from The Smoking Gun website. I just LOVE their shit!! Well, yesterday I got an email telling me that the formal complaint against Charlie Sheen by his wife Denise Richards was up. Even though I can't tell which side I'm on (TEAM JOLIE...oh, wait...that has nothing to do with this), the story is a lovely tale of fucked up!! Gurl, she accuses him of gambling, screwing hookers, prescription drug abuse (please, gurl...if you are gonna abuse drugs, do it the right way...with coke or crystal or something), physical and mental abuse and she also asked him about a dead hooker named Chloe that he had supposedly used and if he had anything to do with her death. And the hooker had demanded money or she was gonna go to the tabloids. Um, hello? The clue phone...it's a'ringin', gurl!!

But see...I wanna know who the law clerk or whoever at her lawyer's office wrote that shit up. They can't fucking spell Xanax!! They wrote that shit as "Zanax" or "Zanex" or something. Also, they need to learn the use of a conjunction!! Conjunction Junction, what's yer damn function? Hmmmph...they need to view the Schoolhouse Rock cartoon on cunjunctions, gurl. Damn, I knew what that shit was when I was like five years old!!

Ya'll have GOT to read all about it...all I can say is if this story is true, they need to make a movie called "Charlie and They Passed Out Crazy That Day Factory"!! Or some kinda shit like that. But where the hell were Emilio and Martin during the intervention, Denise? Hmmm? Answer me THAT, gurl!! And what's with this kissing Richie Sambora? Are you the ho that sent him dirty pics and made Heather Locklear leave his old ass? It just gets more fucked up and twisted as time goes on, gurl!!

Suri'nProzac

2006-04-25T11:28:00.000-07:00

Oh HELL naw!! Did ya'll see all of the damn attention given to that alien baby of Queen Cruise? And I heard on TV (so you know it's true) that there is a multi-million dollar price for the first picture of that damn kid. Well, hand it OVA, fuckahs...cuz I got the picture. See? They were saying she has big blue eyes and lots of hair. WRONG!! She gots blue skin and hairy eyes!! I thwear!!

Now gimme mah damn money!!

And you can all imagine that poor Kate is being chained in a closet (no pun intended) licking her wounds (EEEEWWWWWWW!!) while that kids' "father" is starting "Infant Brainwashing" on the poor child. Dayum!! Ya know...I don't take depression lightly, but I just WANT that fucker (Queen) to get his OWN post-partum depression. Then that asshole won't be so "glib". Bitch will secretly get his own stash of Prozac and pay trillions to keep that shit a secret!!

And I'm sure ya'll heard that Brooke Eyebrows gave berf the same day. I hope she doesn't get it again!! Post-Partum Depression, that is. Having two fugly ginger chirrenz ain't no reason to end it all, gurl!!

Oh, LAWD!!!

2006-04-24T20:42:00.000-07:00

GURL, I KNOW it's been for-fucking-ever since my last post, but I been busy wit'skool. My IT professor thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. But my writing teacher...well, I ain't sure about her ass just yet. She'll throw out a short question, and wants the class to write 2 or 3 paragraphs as a response!! I feel like saying, "You can't handle my answers"...LOL..because I'd be going off like I am in here, chirrenz. But I have to be all proper and shit. UGH!!

ANYway, I wanted to check in and let ya'll know I ain't dead...just been busy. Tomorrow (Tuesday), I will have lots of time to post and post and post. I'll be going off on Alien Baby Suri, anti-depressants and Tom's post-partum depression, The Denise Richards claims on Charlie Sheen, dumb-ass people...you know...the usual. And I'ma try to get some more Ghetto Prom pics up. Stay tuned, my darling fans!!

Where have I been??

2006-04-17T07:43:00.000-07:00

I was totally kidnapped, y'all.
Actually, I wasn't. I just had a crazy, crazy week involving horrible drama queens, a sick husband, and just plain ole crap.

It all ended well, but I can't help feeling like I just had a really bad cold and I should be quiet and sleep more. Want to hear something else? I went to fuckin' church yesterday! Okay, so it was gay church, and I went with a group, but it was fun. And I didn't see a single person I had slept with, aside from the one I brought with me. Okay, maybe only one, but it was a long time ago and I was drunk.

And get this... they have a 'prayer trail'. A wooded trail at the gay church? Who's bright idea was that? You know gay men love wooded trails for all the wrong reasons. I know there's a lot of "oh gods" being said out there, and a lot of men on their knees, but you KNOW they ain't praying!

I love this bitch, and I don't even know who she is. I bet this is Johnny Weir, superhero. I LOVE YOU SUPERGORL!

© 2006 CH

Like...Happy Easter...or some kinda shit...

2006-04-16T02:42:00.000-07:00

*COUGH*

And where the hell is Chuck?!?! I'll bet ya'll anything gurl has knitted an Easter Bonnet and is slaving in the kitchen basting a delicious, salty ham or something.

Ignunt-ass eBay item of the day...

2006-04-14T12:27:00.000-07:00

For the leather daddy bear in your life, get him THIS!!
(That means click on the purple THIS)
And that's all I gotta say about THAT, gurl!!

Don't MAKE me take my shoe off..

2006-04-13T13:42:00.000-07:00

And HIT you with it!! GURL!! I saw the shoes below on ebay and I thought..."This is the PERFECT shoe that you would take off and hit somebody with." I know, my inner gay man drag queen came SCREAMING out the door. *sigh*

I guess that poses as the ignunt ass eBay item of the day. But wait, there's more!! Honey, if I could wear pumps, these purple ones would SO be mine. Mmhmm!! How "luxurious". And don't get me started on the GAY CHAPS. Maybe later I'll post that shit too!!

Gurl walks into a bar...

2006-04-11T11:06:00.000-07:00

That's what I THOUGHT!!

2006-04-11T01:56:00.000-07:00

Mmhmm...guess what arrived today? Thas' right...the mobility scooter. Wow, UPS sure found it fast, didn't they? Good lawd. I'll test it out later today after I've had some sleep. Details later, my babies!!

UPDATE: As of now (14:55), I have tried out the new mobility scooter and it kicks ass!! It has a low-speed switch (which granny here will be using) and a high-speed switch (for getting my fat ass up a hill). It's really pretty, ya'll. I also determined that when you are taking a corner, lean as if you were riding a motorcycle, and your balance will stay perfect!! This is what I really needed in the first place, instead of the suicide machine! It was certainly worth what I paid for it!! Look out, ya'll, Im'a be flying past your house at 8 MPH (low speed), and doing a drive-by cursing!!

Gurl, it's a lazy, lovely Sund-HAAAY!

2006-04-09T09:50:00.000-07:00

Hey bitches!! Well, none of us won anything at bingo yesterday. I think I'm gonna play next weekend then take a break until I know what my new school schedule will be like. Plus, budget money was REALLY tight this month. Oh, remember how the mobility scooter didn't get shipped? Guess who called ME yesterday? Mmhmm....UPS. Seems they have LOST the scooter. What I wanna know is: how the HELL do you lose a package that weighs 130 pounds? How STUPID do you have to be? They are trying to find it. Yeah, because those dumb asses know that the scooter with shipping is like $500 and THEY have to pay that shit if they can't find it or it is damaged.

Let's see...after bingo, we ate at this new Chinese buffet place in Killeen. Guess where it is? C'mon...guess. No? For those of you old enough to remember...it's at THE OLD LUBY'S WHERE THE MASSACRE HAPPENED!!! I kid you not. They have put tons of money into redecortion and stuff and it's very pretty inside.

It didn't bother me to go back in there, but it was a little eerie. I was at the seafood counter (shut UP) when it came back to me that I was standing at what used to be the serving line. The kitchen is in the same place it used to be. The front counter, although redecorated with lovely wood and marble is in approximately the same place the old cashier stand was. Even though the restaurant was revamped after the masssacre, two things really stood out to me; the front window that Hennard drove his truck through is in the same place and the back window that Tommy threw himself out of to save people is in the same place. The windows look different now, but those of us who lived around here when it happened haven't forgotten. I knew people in there who got shot. You never think shit like that is going to happen in your little podunk hometown.

The food was DELICIOUS, and I'll go back.

I like what my sister said about the restaurant and what has transpired in the nearly 15 years since the event...I'm paraphrasing here, but it went something like: "If one of my family were killed I would be so angry that I would want the place to re-open, so I could show that we won't let them get to us. We won't back down." My sister is a very wise woman. And I guess by going there, we showed that evil will not make us back down. At least not the women in MY family. And we got tested (at least I did) REALLY hard in October 2004. I'm still here...stronger than before. They couldn't control my heart, soul and mind. I think that pissed the evil people off the most. Enough that they moved far, far away from here. HA-HA!! I WON!!!

Ok...enought of that deep stuff. I promised you kids a bald head picture or two, well....here goes!! Laugh all you want. It's cool up there when the temperature is warm. LOL Don't worry, though. I'm growing it back to length I had it at. Very short, but not bald. I just wanted to see what it was like to be bald. Well, actually...my hairdresser is on maternity leave and I had a bad hair don't (read: too long and all in mah face) and I don't trust anyone else with my hair.

I doubt many of you are old enough to even know who this person is, but I thought to myself as the pictures were being taken, "Oooh, gurl...I hope I don't look like Squeaky Fromme!!" ROFLMAO If ya'll don't know who that lady is, LOOK IT UP. Her real first name is Lynette. Oh lawd...steebles will LOVE that shit!

Ok...here they are...have a laugh at my expense. You may be ugly, but gurl, my hair will grow back!!

P.S. I didn't wear the shirt on purpose, but I like that it turned out that way. And look at those scars on my five-head!! (Actually, that shit looks like about an eight-head) No wonder I'm nuts from all the head trauma!! LOL

UPDATE: I just got up a few minutes ago (it's 01:15HRS) and got an email from my sister. She and her partner went to GOH yesterday (gurl, I stayed home because the monthly monster is here, but that's another story) and her girlfriend won $500. I have no official comment. Well, yeah I do. Lucky dyke. They need the money as bad as everybody else does.