Wednesday, October 18, 2006

How to be cool, part 1

The first thing I do in the morning, after being bathed by virgins and dressed by cartoon birds, is begin fielding the most asked question in the history of being me: "How can I be awesome like you?"
The answer, my dears is simple. If you must ask this question, it's just not possible. Still, I am peace and love incarnate, so I will help you out to the best of my abilities. I began this project months ago; carefully de-awesoming myself slowly so as not to shock my delicate awesome-based nervous system. Once I achieved a level of normalcy- non-awesomeness-, I set to work.

In part one, we will talk about hair. Get some. If you're going bald, go in reverse and shave it off. DO NOT, under any circumstance, shave a word or design into your head. I don't care if you're in the NBA or the NRA, it's just not a good idea. What you should do is find an awesome barbershop. If you're in the Austin area, I recommend Lindsey at Bird's barbershop on Lamar.

I walked in there and said to her : "As you can see, I have and it is most lame. Please make it awesome." And she replied "Okay, just sit down and we'll see what happens."

In mere minutes she was shaving my head and then trimming the leftovers and then texturizing it and then slathering me with product (that's homo speak for hair gel), et voila, I had a mohawk.

And it is indeed most awesome. My hair is like a shark now, and I cut a swath through the air as I glide along, head held aloft like the mighty sword of Grayskull. By the power, indeed.

So now you have the opportunity to some information that you need to make your hair awesome. Find a stylist who has a look you like - hair, makeup, clothes, the whole look- and give them permission to make you awesome too.

Next week we'll start to work on your clothes. I mean, do you even own a mirror? Good, that's a start.
© 2006 CH


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