Friday, June 30, 2006

Ignunt-ass eBay item of the day

Ok, this is actually pretty funny, and I like the cause these guys support, but...are they supposed to be a new and improved model post-disaster?!?!
See the details HERE.
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© 2006 BMD

Starfucker Wars

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UPDATE: Ooooooooooh GURL!!! This just in from the wires: (well, as of Wednesday)
(Important stuff in red, my comments in blue)

Star Jones Reynolds was booted from "The View'' Wednesday, one day after surprising ABC and Barbara Walters by saying on the air that she wouldn't be returning to the daytime talk show in the fall.
Reynolds was quickly erased from the show's opening credits, now down to three women from the usual five.
Gurl, there IS a God!
"It is becoming uncomfortable for us to pretend that everything is the same at this table,'' said show creator Walters. "Therefore, regrettably, Star will no longer be on this program.''
Gurl, what really happened is ABC called fish eyes and told her not to bother coming into work today! Or ever again in her life!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
ABC had decided against renewing Reynolds' contract months ago and the show was planning to let Reynolds announce it later this week, according to Walters. Reynolds could say whatever she wanted to about why she was leaving, "and we would back her up,'' the longtime ABC newswoman said.
Instead, Walters said she felt blindsided when Reynolds broke the news Tuesday, then was quoted in People magazine as saying she felt like she was fired.
"We gave her time to look for another job and hoped that she would announce it on this program and leave with dignity,'' Walters said. "But Star made another choice.''
She's just pissed because her husband is gay AND because EVERYONE hates her ass!! That, and she knew she could NOT compete with the most obnoxious dyke on earth. Rosie. Or is it me? Hmmmm. I'm pretty sure that I'm more obnoxious, but I digress!!
Reynolds' spokesman (spokeswhore, as Michael K calls it) did not return calls and e-mails seeking comment.
Well, of course not!! I smell a fish-eyed bitch who's a lawyer (as if you hadn't heard THAT shit a million times) getting ready to sue some people!! She'll lose. As Madea says, "Hallelooyer!".
Walters didn't discuss on the air why Reynolds, an original cast member who's been on the show for nine years, wasn't being asked back. She said in an interview Tuesday that research showed audience members were turned off by Reynolds' dramatic weight loss and glitzy wedding to (gay) banker Al Reynolds in 2004.
Reynolds later retorted that TV ratings and her book sales indicated this wasn't true.
Um, yeah, you dumb bitch, it IS true!! And yo' gay-ass husband gonna leave yo' cancelled Payless Shoes contract ass too! Gurl, you KNOW your ass didn't buy shoes from there! But if you want great shoes, Starfucker, I know a FABULOUS place to get a pair of Jimmy Choo's for five dollahs!
"The View'' is bringing on Rosie O'Donnell to replace Meredith Vieira in September, and the hunt is now on for Reynolds' replacement. Walters said Reynolds may still appear on the show in recorded segments.
NOOOOOOOOOO!! You FIRED her ass, say NO to recorded segments!! Just say NO, Baba Wawa!! Ooooh, gurl!! You just KNOW Starfucker is gonna get all fat again and regret she spent all that money for her bariatric surgery. Diet and exercise my ass. Pffffft.
And oh, Starfucker, don't let the door hit you in your flabby ass as you leave. And take that damned bitch Nancy Grace with you. She's a lawyer (again, we've heard that shit a million times), too, ya' know!!
And WTF?!?! Is that an animal sewn into her crooked weave, or what?!?!
© 2006 BMD

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Today in Gay History!!

On Friday, June 27th, 1969, late in the evening, New York City police made a planned raid on The Stonewall Inn, which was a gay dance bar at 53 Christopher Street in Greenwich Village.

What began simply for the police department as a routine "fag-bar" raid quickly escalated into five nights and early morning hours disturbances during which LGBT people decided literally to fight back.

Leading the fight were transgender people and people of color. On the first night, employees were arrested. Some customers were told to leave. Others were detained. But the raid turned ugly around 2 a.m. Saturday morning when angry LGBT people and others started yelling "GAY POWER!" and throwing stones, coins, and bottles.

The cops barricaded themselves inside on one of the nights, and the place was attacked from outside by as many as 300-400 people. The police, trapped inside, called for reinforcements. Not all onlookers were pleased, and some threw bottles at the LGBT people.When police reinforcements arrived, some of the rioters dispersed for awhile, but regrouped.

For the next several evenings, and after the media reported the eye-catching, escalating incident, they and hundreds of others returned. The word got around fast.

The last week of June 1969 became known as the time of the Stonewall Rebellion, which inspired the start of US Gay Pride Week.

(plus, there's that whole Judy Garland death thing, and the Tate/LaBianca murders commited by the Manson family a month later, but that's a history lesson for another day, chirrenz!)
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© 2006 BMD

Starfucker

Star Jones was fired from The View. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! And HOW long have we been waiting for this shit? She announced her departure from the show today, and I could just feel Joy Behar being smug.
She said: "Something's been on my heart for a little bit, and after much prayer and counsel I feel like this is the right time to tell you that the show is moving in another direction for its tenth season and I will not be returning as cohost next year," (oh boo-fucking-hoo...STFU!!)
She later told People that it wasn't her choice:
"What you don't know is that my contract was not renewed for the tenth season,"
"I feel like I was fired."
Um, you WERE fired, you fish-eyed fool!!
The rest of the cast went through the motions and pretended to give a shit even though inside they were screaming with joy. Welllllllllllllll shit...I was just waiting for Rosie to go the fuck OFF on her and then have Joy Behar go off on her bariatric-surgery ass and call her a bitch to her face!
GURL, and you just KNOW since the bitch ain't got no job anymore, GAL (gay Al) is gonna leave her ass for some rich-ass old ka-weeeeeen!! Just you wait. Mark my damn word. Werd.
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© 2006 BMD

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© 2006 BMD

Friday, June 23, 2006

Chirrenz of MySpace

And THESE are the people who are going to take care of us when we're old? Fuck...just shoot my ass now!! Shit...it's very different from Generation X, where our big, rebellious anthem was "Kids In America" by Kim Wilde. I guess it's like M. Cho said..."we'll be 80 in a nursing home saying, 'oh, put on Hungry Like The Wolf again!'"
© 2006 BMD

Betty at the auditions...

Every gawd damn medication known to man!! Ya'll have fun!!
© 2006 BMD

Friday, June 16, 2006

Separated at Birth? Gayken Edition!

Long lost Twins? Clones? WTF? BBQ??
Uh, Clay? I TOLD you that your hair was done, but did you listen? I almost typed "dumb boy", but I don't think he's technically male anymore.

This is that Peter Pan guy that's been running around the internets for YEARS... When I saw La Gayken's photo (taken at an NHL game in NC- Yeah, that's got us fooled into thinking that you're butch) I thought of him immediately. I contacted Peter Pan and axed him if he knew La Gayken, and he told that about 5 years ago he noticed a strange mole on his ribcage. He had it removed and it grew into what we now know as Clay "Hog-Smoker" Gayken. He also mentioned that if we feed him after midnight, he will become Rob Halford of Judas Priest.Aaaaand Finally! Undeniable proof that Clay is indeed a brightly flaming star in our atmosphere.... Here he is at that same game (with that same fucking hair) with the ultimate gay accessory; the fag hag.
I'm not going to say anything mean about her. I wonder if Clay is trying to pretend to be straight to her? You be the judge! is he saying:

A.) You shore got a purty mouth

B.) um Chelsea, pretzels are CARBS

C.) Does this buttplug make my ass look fat?

© 2006 CH

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Waiting for the Fall

Lil' Kims Update, 6-13-06

Well, we're just 3 months away from the world being a better place. Lil' Kims was sentenced back in June of last year, but didn't turn herself in until the very day possible. You KNOW she's planning to come out with a fall line of clothes, makeup, and even a few fragrances.


SHIV, by Lil' Kims - Stick it to him.

this complex fragrance starts with topnotes of body odor and homespun jumpsuits. The midnotes are a mellow blend of stale mattress, toilet-brewed wine, and powdered egg. The base notes are a long lasting meeting of unwashed coochie and tears.

F'real y'all, I can't wait for the goddess to be released. On that day we will rejoice, old school.

© 2006 CH

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Chitlins', Collard Greans and Cornbread!!

Because you KNOW that shit is all about church!
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© 2006 BMD

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I Be Back

Chirrenz!! How I missed you so!! Anyway, my ass is back...even if I AM raggin'. UGH!! This here post will just be a little one, as I need to take my fat ass to bed. But I'll be back within a day or two with new schtuff!! *MWAH*
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© 2006 BMD

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Gayppliances

Not since C-3PO has the world seen a gadget as gay as my new phone.

a little backstory... I've been a sprint customer for almost 8 years, not always happy, but still there. Every two years they would give me 200 bucks off of a phone in order to get me to sign a contract, and I kept on signing 'em. Anywhoodia, I got fed up with them and broke up with them a week ago.

A week without a cell phone nearly killed me; I kept patting my pants pockets looking for something phonelike. So yeah, I finally got new service. From cingular. I like 'em so far. But my phone!

Soooo gay. The only way it could be gayer would be if you wedged it delicately into Bobby Trendy's asscrack and then set off fireworks. So by now you guessed that I got the trendy and totally overdone pink Razr phone. Big woop, right? See, it's the ringtones that really make it gay.

Ugh, this post is boring me already. I can't talk about electronics for too long, cuz you know what? I don't really care. This is basically my way of telling Chili that "hey bitch, I lost my old phone and I need you to call me so that I can get your number again." So email and I'll give you my digits, and if you're lucky I'll talk to you like I'm lil' Kim and you're my Martha Stewart.

Why do I own so many pink appliances though? I don't even like pink.

Whatever happened to... with a segue into The Rules

News of the birth of Shiloh Nouvelle Cuisine Jolie-Pitt has totally eclipsed little Suri Cruise. Dang, not even a few months old and already she's relegated to supporting roles. Oh well, just keep in mind these rules for social interaction:

If you're hot, you can do whatever you want to whomever you want to do it to. This includes parking in handicapped spots and passing on STDs.

If you're not hot, you better be fucking witty, because the only way you'll get a hot piece of ass (like mine) is by trapping me with words.

If you're fat, you're required to be funny. I think that generations of selective breeding has actually made this a genetic reality; if you're fat, you're funny. I'm laughing at you, Perez, not with you.

Okay, I totes had images to upload to illustrate this, but blogger is not letting me upload. Gah. Okay, just imagine the funniest shit ever, like, right in there. Hahaha! Yeah, I rock!

© 2006 CH

Friday, June 02, 2006

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

Ok, kids...you know how hard I work to keep your asses entertained. Well, since I didn't take holiday last week when there actually WAS a holiday in the U.S., I am taking one this weekend. I have company coming in from out of town, and I want to spend time with them!! Soooo...Chuck will have to take it over this weekend if he has time.
Now, ya'll do everything I wouldn't do...but just don't get arrested. Because I am not bailing your ass outta jail, ok?
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© 2006 BMD