Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Updates!

Hey Folks! Look, I'm still alive! And I have updates. Kind of.

Separated at birth?

Sir Frogulus, knight of the Creepy Deepy Swamp. He fights for the rights of amphibians and is known throughout the land as a fair and fashionable creature. What a great frog!




John Paulus; he had a night of creepy bareback sex with Clay Aiken. Outing people, even if we all know how flaming they are, isn't really honorable. He says he's sorry though, so I'd still nail him, it's not like I'd have to look at his face... I'm sorry Baby Jesus, I didn't mean to make you cry!

The truth is out there!

By now everyone knows that Tom and Katie done had their little alien baby, but did you know that there is talk that she is the Moonchild of Scientology? See, I'm sure this is crap, because they say that the Moonchild is the antichrist, born of Satan, and Scientologists don't believe in Satan! Aliens blowing up other aliens in volcanoes millions of years ago- sure... soul-vacuums, sure... Satan? Nope, that's crap!

OMGWTFBBQ!

Holy Dang Britney, keep yer legs shut!

Yeah, I know y'all are waiting for a "oops, she done it again" joke, but IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. I'm way too high class for that sort of thing- I drink my malt liquor out of a cup, y'all!

Instead I will choose to celebrate the genius of Brit-Brit and her scruffy manwhore. They've already fucked up the one kid they had together, so they've decided to make another one and this time do it right; they're gonna hire two nannys, y'all! And no diet coke in the bottle this time, at least not unless it's the kind that has lime in it, cuz lime is healthy, right? This baby ain't gonna git scurvy, fo'sho!

I just feel bad for poor little bubble-headed Sean Preston; he's probably going to end up living in a tower somewhere, ringing bells and wearing his parents cast off clothing. I see it now... Quasimodo in Hudsons (those are man-capris, y'all) and a furry sports bra. Sally Struthers, get your ass back to work, we need you!

... and now I need to get back to work!

© 2006 CH

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