Monday, May 22, 2006

I've changed my mind

I read a lot of gossip blogs, and that whole thing with Britney and the tripping and almost dropping the baby made me actually feel bad for her (my heart is tiny and cold, but it does occasionally manage to squeeze out an emotion). That picture of her crying? I just wanted to hug her and make her eat a tortilla. There, there honey, have some carbs.

I reserve the right to change my mind and make fun of her in the future. Don't get used to me being nice.

Lil' Kim Watch

Isn't Lil' Kims supposed to be getting out of jail soon? God, I can't wait! I do love me some Lil' Kims! She is seriously a high class woman; not afraid to let it all hang out and also really polite (dudes, she totally let Diana Ross cop a feel cuz hey, she's Diana Ross and she can touch any booby that she wants to touch. Don't mess with Miss Ross!). I present you now with the many looks of Lil Kims!

Here she is leaving the courthouse on July 7th of last year; she was sentenced to 1 year and 1 day for perjury. Perjury? That's like, how much you make for giving handjobs to 12 people, right??

They totally threw the book at her, and you know why? Cuz she's all covered up, and that weave is so home-made. She needs to rock the kanekalon Beyonce`-style.

This picture makes my tummy feel funny! Do you know how much I would pay to have been Lil Kims' booby in that picture?? Also, you know a lady is High Class when her hair matches her outfit. I refrain from any and all "carpet matches the drapes" jokes; I'm so over it.

PS to Miss Ross- we love you but damn! You need some boot camp!

Okay, so because I can't see a boob and only one clam-flap, I suppose this is la Kim being Demure. oh yeah- the dress is brown, that's totally Demure.

What's with the mouth? I've seen a lot of pictures of Lindsey Hobag lately with her mouth open, like a photographer said "it's sexy", and she filed it away for later... It's not, y'all. Except on you, Lil Kims, anything you do is sexy!

She really does look so prim and proper here, at least relatively speaking. The only thing that could be more reserved would be a burqa.

Oh shit, forget that about the burqa, girlfriend apparently made her own...

Dear Goddesses of the Vitriol, please raise Lil Kims out of the depths and welcome her to your sistah-hood; she can be the Patron Saint of Hot Ghetto Messes.

© 2006 CH

9 Comments:

Blogger ChiliGurl said...

Hot Ghetto Messes? GURL, you mean The Breakdown will get his own goddess?!?!

7:56 AM PDT  
Blogger Chuck H said...

F'real tho!

I can totally see Tris in that burqa, but he would definitely rock it in royal blue.

8:34 AM PDT  
Blogger Bedazzler said...

Please Lil Kim! Come back in your pink mink band-aid, real soon!!!

6:34 PM PDT  
Blogger The Breakdown said...

GURL is getting soft!

If that white trash skaink HO would have had on some fitted clothes (we are not even going to go into her visible, pink, 3-days old thong she was also wearing), she would not have almost dropped that monster.

Put her ass in jail and lock her up.

That is child abuse!


But I love Lil' Kim. I have her address in the pen if you want to write her.

But can that bitch read?!

4:19 AM PDT  
Blogger Chuck H said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:24 AM PDT  
Blogger Bedazzler said...

Oh. My. Lord. The Burqua look.
I have never, ever seen LK in that look. How did I miss that. Bitch done gone need another hole she could use efficiently, and one she could see all the action out of to boot!

6:17 AM PDT  
Blogger Brandon said...

That burka at least hides her plastique face. I used to love her, but now I'm more indifferent.

12:24 PM PDT  
Blogger ChiliGurl said...

Mmmmmm. Carbs.

1:55 AM PDT  
Blogger Bedazzler said...

I am going to totes queen out if I get no Kims-Watch updates. I may have to make it a weekly on my blog.

10:47 AM PDT  

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