Wednesday, May 31, 2006

In today's news...

Jessica Christ speaks

Little Shiloh Pitt-Jolie spoke today, proving herself to be the savior of the world as we know it (or at least as creepy as that little girl from Dune). She wanted the world to know she is not responsible for the name given to her and that she will change it as soon as she can. I mean really? Nouvel? Not 'nouvelle', but Nouvel? Noo-vull? WTF? I read that Penn Gillette had his first daughter just over a year ago and named her 'Moxie Crimefighter' , and see, at least she can say "well, my dad is a comedian..." Poor little Shiloh can only say "My parents think that they're gods and they named me after a civil war battlefield." Pobre nina.

Lil Kims Watch (5-31-06)

Well, she was sentenced to one year and one day for perjury on June 4th, and that means that we should have her back out and probably in production for another VH1 reality show by next Tuesday. When reached for comment she shanked me with a shiv she made from a toothbrush handle and I passed out from blood loss. I have this new tattoo now, and I think I'm her bitch... hot.

Here she is after doing some remodeling to her home just last year. She had to wear her "paint harness" so as not to ruin any of her fine homemade fashions, and her jeans are covered with paint from her bedroom, which she did up in a color called "battered snatch". Coincidentally, that's what she's been accused of causing during her stay in prison. Hott.

© 2006 CH


Blogger The Breakdown said...

All I gotta say is this...

I bet Lil' Kim knows how many licks it takes to get to the center NOW.

Mmmmhmmm, dassssright!

6:00 AM PDT  

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