Wednesday, May 31, 2006

In today's news...

Jessica Christ speaks

Little Shiloh Pitt-Jolie spoke today, proving herself to be the savior of the world as we know it (or at least as creepy as that little girl from Dune). She wanted the world to know she is not responsible for the name given to her and that she will change it as soon as she can. I mean really? Nouvel? Not 'nouvelle', but Nouvel? Noo-vull? WTF? I read that Penn Gillette had his first daughter just over a year ago and named her 'Moxie Crimefighter' , and see, at least she can say "well, my dad is a comedian..." Poor little Shiloh can only say "My parents think that they're gods and they named me after a civil war battlefield." Pobre nina.

Lil Kims Watch (5-31-06)

Well, she was sentenced to one year and one day for perjury on June 4th, and that means that we should have her back out and probably in production for another VH1 reality show by next Tuesday. When reached for comment she shanked me with a shiv she made from a toothbrush handle and I passed out from blood loss. I have this new tattoo now, and I think I'm her bitch... hot.

Here she is after doing some remodeling to her home just last year. She had to wear her "paint harness" so as not to ruin any of her fine homemade fashions, and her jeans are covered with paint from her bedroom, which she did up in a color called "battered snatch". Coincidentally, that's what she's been accused of causing during her stay in prison. Hott.

© 2006 CH

Saturday, May 27, 2006

It's a GURL!!

Everybody, please welcome little Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt to the world!! Mmhmm...thas'right. Details are still limited at this point. Said Brad Pitt's spokeswhore: “The night of May 27, 2006 in Namibia, Africa, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt welcomed their daughter Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt. No further information is being given,” publicist Cindy Guagenti said in a statement. No photographs were being released, she added.

Chirrenz, you KNOW that kid looks something like this...
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Now all they need to do is adopt a little hispanic boy and they'll truly have a global family!!
Gurl, we needed little Shiloh because evil alien baby Suri Cruise looks like this:
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Damn!! I'm skeert now!
I can't wait to hear Chuck and The Breakdown's take on this...I will fall the fuck OUT laffin'!!
© 2006 BMD

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Don't bother reading this, it's all crap

What have I got for you today? Nothing. B-rad and Angie haven't had a baby yet, and the world is waiting for it's savior. I hear that they're proposing that the day of birth become a national holiday in Namibia in celebration. If I were them, I'd be leaving now because it looks like the Namibians are getting pretty attached. "I like you a lot, but I think we're moving a little too fast" is the phrase that comes to mind.


Wake me when it's over

There's so much talk about the American Idol finale tonight, and you know what? I just don't care. The final 2, Taylor and GirlClone #3479 are both as bland and appealing to me as day old oatmeal. Taylor can sing, but I can't stand to watch him, it's like watching Joe Cocker trying to fuck while high on speed. And I'm talking 1970s black beauties, that shit would fuck a bitch up. And the girl can sing, but she could be anyone. Except me, cuz I can't sing.

Clap if you believe in Fairies

Britney has left the Kaballah. She said on her website that she has no time for religion and that her son is her religion. Her mother apparently put the kibosh (wtf is a kibosh anyway? I think it sounds like a mini-sausage snack. TRY NEW KIBOSH, Y'ALL!) on it when she got tired of the asking for money.

That's right honey, you hold on to your cash! You're working on a new album and your scraggly manwhore is supposedly done with his. You just sit tight, and maybe you'll get lucky and develop a vicodin addiction that will help ease the pain. Look at Whitney girl, don't go crazy, okay?

In the meantime, here's a picture of Britney's tattoo. I can't tell if that's her hip or her low back, either way it's a classic example of the "tramp stamp".

© 2006 CH

Monday, May 22, 2006

I've changed my mind

I read a lot of gossip blogs, and that whole thing with Britney and the tripping and almost dropping the baby made me actually feel bad for her (my heart is tiny and cold, but it does occasionally manage to squeeze out an emotion). That picture of her crying? I just wanted to hug her and make her eat a tortilla. There, there honey, have some carbs.

I reserve the right to change my mind and make fun of her in the future. Don't get used to me being nice.

Lil' Kim Watch

Isn't Lil' Kims supposed to be getting out of jail soon? God, I can't wait! I do love me some Lil' Kims! She is seriously a high class woman; not afraid to let it all hang out and also really polite (dudes, she totally let Diana Ross cop a feel cuz hey, she's Diana Ross and she can touch any booby that she wants to touch. Don't mess with Miss Ross!). I present you now with the many looks of Lil Kims!

Here she is leaving the courthouse on July 7th of last year; she was sentenced to 1 year and 1 day for perjury. Perjury? That's like, how much you make for giving handjobs to 12 people, right??

They totally threw the book at her, and you know why? Cuz she's all covered up, and that weave is so home-made. She needs to rock the kanekalon Beyonce`-style.

This picture makes my tummy feel funny! Do you know how much I would pay to have been Lil Kims' booby in that picture?? Also, you know a lady is High Class when her hair matches her outfit. I refrain from any and all "carpet matches the drapes" jokes; I'm so over it.

PS to Miss Ross- we love you but damn! You need some boot camp!

Okay, so because I can't see a boob and only one clam-flap, I suppose this is la Kim being Demure. oh yeah- the dress is brown, that's totally Demure.

What's with the mouth? I've seen a lot of pictures of Lindsey Hobag lately with her mouth open, like a photographer said "it's sexy", and she filed it away for later... It's not, y'all. Except on you, Lil Kims, anything you do is sexy!

She really does look so prim and proper here, at least relatively speaking. The only thing that could be more reserved would be a burqa.

Oh shit, forget that about the burqa, girlfriend apparently made her own...

Dear Goddesses of the Vitriol, please raise Lil Kims out of the depths and welcome her to your sistah-hood; she can be the Patron Saint of Hot Ghetto Messes.

© 2006 CH

Friday, May 19, 2006

Reason # 13 to read The Vitriol

We hate Bobby Trendy!!
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Ok, Chuck...it's your turn, gurl!! Mama needs some rest!!
© 2006 BMD

Ty Ty Haaaay!!

I watched the final of America's Next Tranny....oops, Top Model. Danielle won that shit!! You GO GURL, withcher country self and yer beautiful little toof gap!! She deserved that shit tho. Gurl werked it!! So...my prediction was wrong. Nnenna got booted. Sue me.
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Miss Jay say haaaaaaay!!
Psssst...you can get a KICK ASS recap of the show HERE!!
Thank you, sweet Rich!
© 2006 BMD

Sitting Shiva #2...

So, it was a busy TV night on Thursday. Will & Grace has also gone into syndication land. I must admit, I really liked how it all ended. Everyone was a little older, grayer, wiser, and gorgeous. It reminded me when I went back to Austin a few months ago and met up with some dear friends of mine. We've changed, of course, but we are still catty as hell, fierce, and fabulous!!
It's funny how our hearts are still loyal after all these years.
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Oh, and ER's season finale was on Thursday night, too. It was NOT all that, gurl!!
I should have been studying. Oh well...I needed a break!!
© 2006 BMD

Sitting Shiva...

Ah...one of my favorite shows is now gone to syndication land. That 70's Show was introduced to me in 1998 by my friend Felipe. I have watched every single episode since. I hate to say this shit, but I had tears in my eyes when Eric came back and Donna was there. *sigh*
Oh well, I have the first 4 seasons on DVD, so I can check out Laura Prepon's boobs whenever I want!!

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© 2006 BMD

Ghetto Prom #4

Gurl lookin' like Beyonce' all up in here!! She will eat a skinny bitch UP!!
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© 2006 BMD

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Ignunt-ass eBay item of the day...

Oh, HELL naw!! Ya'll, I did a search on eGay, and I found THIS!! (<--click here)
I have only one thing to say.
In the words of wisdon from Shirley Q. Liquor, "It's...ignunt".
Ok, two things...this shit ain't as good as that bobblehead Marguerite Perrin doll!! I still want that damn thing!
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© 2006 BMD

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Sista Jenn hits the big time!!

Along with earning the title of Dr. Jenn, my beloved friend was covered by The Daily Texan as well!! All of us here at The Vitriol love ya, gurl!!

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Filmmaker offers 'outsiders' a voice - Life & Arts

Those eyes kinda freak me out, but in a way, they are sooo hawt, ya'll!
(And yeah, I totally ripped off this picture!)
© 2006 BMD

Meet these folks!

Chances are that you've met one or both of these types of people already, so here are the words that you need to properly identify them.

Pedrophiles

Photobucket - Video and Image HostingHere's my future ex-husband Ricky Martin; who's that with him? He's hot, he's white, and he's in love with my man. Now I don't know this Mystery Man's past, but for our purposes we will pretend that he's a gay man with an almost exclusive taste for Latin men. What does that make him? A PEDRO-PHILE. File that away. Copyrighted, bitches!
Ghettrosexual

From the neck up, these guys are straight up thugs...but as your eyes begin to wander down... wtf?? These are some ghettrosexual lady-menz. That one on the right in black? HAWT.






Now if your eyes are strong and you think you can handle it, keep on reading... what you're about to see is a GHETTROSEXUAL TRAIN WRECK! She's as many shades of wrong as shades of eyeshadow she's wearing!

© 2006 CH

Updates!

Hey Folks! Look, I'm still alive! And I have updates. Kind of.

Separated at birth?

Sir Frogulus, knight of the Creepy Deepy Swamp. He fights for the rights of amphibians and is known throughout the land as a fair and fashionable creature. What a great frog!




John Paulus; he had a night of creepy bareback sex with Clay Aiken. Outing people, even if we all know how flaming they are, isn't really honorable. He says he's sorry though, so I'd still nail him, it's not like I'd have to look at his face... I'm sorry Baby Jesus, I didn't mean to make you cry!

The truth is out there!

By now everyone knows that Tom and Katie done had their little alien baby, but did you know that there is talk that she is the Moonchild of Scientology? See, I'm sure this is crap, because they say that the Moonchild is the antichrist, born of Satan, and Scientologists don't believe in Satan! Aliens blowing up other aliens in volcanoes millions of years ago- sure... soul-vacuums, sure... Satan? Nope, that's crap!

OMGWTFBBQ!

Holy Dang Britney, keep yer legs shut!

Yeah, I know y'all are waiting for a "oops, she done it again" joke, but IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. I'm way too high class for that sort of thing- I drink my malt liquor out of a cup, y'all!

Instead I will choose to celebrate the genius of Brit-Brit and her scruffy manwhore. They've already fucked up the one kid they had together, so they've decided to make another one and this time do it right; they're gonna hire two nannys, y'all! And no diet coke in the bottle this time, at least not unless it's the kind that has lime in it, cuz lime is healthy, right? This baby ain't gonna git scurvy, fo'sho!

I just feel bad for poor little bubble-headed Sean Preston; he's probably going to end up living in a tower somewhere, ringing bells and wearing his parents cast off clothing. I see it now... Quasimodo in Hudsons (those are man-capris, y'all) and a furry sports bra. Sally Struthers, get your ass back to work, we need you!

... and now I need to get back to work!

© 2006 CH

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

And she still dunno the answer to this question....


© 2006 BMD

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Shirley Q. Liquor speaks!

GURL!! Shirley Q. Liquor has sent a special message to the black homosexicals in all of us!
© 2006 BMD

Dead Hooker Dish!

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Ooooh, ya'll!! Remember the dead hooker I told you about in the Charlie Sheen post? WELL, it turns out that she wasn't murdered, but she OD'd on pills and it caused liver failure. So technically, she died from liver failure. This shit just gets more fucked up by the week!! AND, her mother is thinking about suing Charlie for wrongful death! Personally, I just think the gurl got into some bad shit when she was an "escort" (fancy-ass name for whore) and couldn't take it anymore. It's sad, though. She had 3 kids...and that ain't something to laugh about. Even me, being as mean as I am, won't make fun of that. Read about her HERE and HERE. Then, if you wanna blow some cash (no pun intended...but that shit IS funny), you can visit her official website HERE.
© 2006 BMD

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Ghetto Prom #3

Gurl, you just KNOW Britney got knocked up with the second kid here!!
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Hugs to Dedi for the picture!
© 2006 BMD