Wednesday, April 26, 2006

I'm back from hiding!

See, I was contacted by extra-dimensional forces, and that shit scared me y'all. I was abducted by aliens, lured into their ship (which was disguised as a mobile Origins counter, cuz Clinique is only for cheap ass sorority girls) by Posh Spice herself, Victoria Beckham (nee Addams). She was sitting at a vanity table, made from the bones of Vanity 6 (the Sheen had been there earlier, he done killeded him some hookers!). Maria Shriver was there, and she was teaching Lady Becks how to sharpen her cheekbones with a Doublemint gum wrapper (what we call Macgyver style in my hood, yo) and explaining to her the importance of big, dark hair and matching sunglasses.

Posh and the Shrivertron 3000 were just about to eat my soul when I remembered "Oh yeah, I'm a total mexican! I can pray!" I lifted my voice in prayer to the patron Saint and supreme goddess of gay gothic mexicans, Diamanda Galas.
"Gurl, I'm in trouble gurl! These white ladies is crazy!"

...and within seconds she appeared, looking like she was channeling Elvira (also a member of The Vitriol's pantheon of Goddesses). She slapped the bitches, tore their dresses, and then burned Posh's weave. Then we went out for a burrito, a mojito, and then we partied with judge Sam Ito. The end.

© 2006 CH

3 Comments:

Blogger ChiliGurl said...

OMG Gurl!! She looks like this WRETCHED drag queen I saw performing at this bar in West Hollywood called "The Four Star". I always called it "The Dark Star". It closed down. I. am. NOT. suprised.
Although in a very drunken state (go figure), I gave a Pat Benatar a $5 tip with my teeth. I was 1988, though...so it was all good. I loved that trashy bar!

8:44 PM PDT  
Blogger INeedAnotherCocktail said...

Oooh I think I remember the Four Star ... isn't that what became Mickey's?

I remember they had this drag show on a Weds(?) night with this really evil by-otch. Can't remember her name, but she wuz killah.

Shame, coz drag has really left WeHo.

11:00 PM PDT  
Blogger ChiliGurl said...

Oooh, gurl!! I dunno if it became Mickey's because it was still closed when I left WeHo.

I also used to go to a bar called "The Gold Coast" that was next door to Circus Of Books (the tacky gay porn store) on Santa Monica Blvd.

And I would go to the La Brea Circus on Willoughby and La Brea because they had EXCELLENT bargains...on booze!

Let's see...I worked for a record store on Vine Street named Music Plus. It was a block and 1/2 south of Hollyweird Blvd. I met a few celebs there.

oooh...oooh...my roomie and I, after a long night at the Gold Coast, would hang out at this old-ass Pancake House or Waffle House that was in the "Y" where Santa Monica Blvd. split...it was directly across the street from Barney's Beanery!

Gawd...the memories! I can't wait to go back for a visit. I wonder if the old magazine stand on Highland is still there. Back then, the underground rail was barely a thought so I had to use THE BUS. It was certainly interesting!! *sigh*

10:28 PM PDT  

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