Wednesday, March 15, 2006

This Spring Break brought to you by Centrum Silver.

Kids, I'm so in a quandary. See, my little sister was scheduled to have a medical procedure done on Thursday (she has a ladies affliction) (that means her pink parts, y'all) so me and the man were gonna head down to see her and stay at a bed and breakfast on South Padre Island. Oh shut up y'all, we are NOT B&B queens. It honestly is the cheapest place on the island by like 80 bucks. Also, I know the owners, and the only gay bar on the beach is attached and you KNOW I'm not gonna drink and drive on vacay. Whatever. So we arrange all of this weeks ago, and now I'm realizing that I'm going to end up on fucking South Padre island during spring fucking break.

Now let me list things that I hate and you'll see where I'm coming from.

I hate: Drunk college kids

Okay, maybe 'hate' is too strong a word, but see, they have that whole entitlement thing going on; it's all "Hey, don't arrest me, this is my spring break!" Yeah. Hey, I bet you could totally jump from your balcony to mine, let me just shine it up with bacon grease so it's all pretty-like when you land on the railing, okay?

I hate crowds.

Dude, crowds can go nuts and I hate them when I'm not in charge of them. Crowds of straight people are especially bad, because like, if one girl is on her period, the guys will totally smell it and then there will be a mating frenzy and OVARIES WILL BE STREWN ALL ABOUT! I would sooner date Flavor Flav than deal with a crowd of drunken heterosexual college kids. And the gay kids are worse because they're all like 115 pounds and destined for drag stardom. If I meet another Khourtny Elann-Stefani or Linda Evangelingus I'm going to open a vein; and not one of my own.

So please folks, light a candle, say a rosary, or handle a snake or whatever you crazy cultists do, but think of me over the weekend. I hope I don't kill anyone! Wish me luck!

© 2006 CH


Blogger EgOiStE said...

sounds like fun. take me with!

Yall dont gots email contacts on here. Lookie this

Let's make out and send it to a school board on video.

11:04 AM PST  
Blogger ChiliGurl said...

Good one, Flippy!!

Chuck...Gurl ya'll can start your own white party!!

6:02 PM PST  

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