Friday, March 31, 2006

Oh HELL no!!

Bitches, it is TOO damn early to be up. My back was hurting, so I woke up. Now, the gurl in this picture has more hair than I do. But Im'a go back to bed and then go play me some bing-GOH!
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Gab With Gurl when I get to it!!
© 2006 BMD

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Ghetto Prom

Ok, I cannot take credit for the Ghetto Prom pictures I am gonna post here. They were sent to me by my friend Dedi. I have, however added my own captions. Thanks a big bunch to Dedi!!

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© 2006 BMD @ DB

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The Original Goddess

Now, I know weaves are gon' fly over this shit...but there is only ONE Goddess Diva in my life. Ladies and queers, I introduce to you, Goddess Cher.
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What the fuck were you expecting? Liberace? Or even worse...Madge? Get the fuck out!
© 2006 BMD

the Goddesses of the Vitriol

Some of y'all might be wondering how such bitter, life-hating queens such as ourselves can function in the world. Trust me, people do try to take us down every now and then, but no one can touch us while we're under the protection of the gods and goddesses we routinely (and ritually) slaughter things for. There are too many to list, but I thought I'd introduce y'all to a few of them over the next few weeks. Who's first, you ask?? The queen of them all!

Chaka Khan!

I love me some Chaka! Just look at her. Oh Great and Powerful Chaka Khan, I beseech thee! Grant me the strength to withstand the attacks of my enemies; In your name I pray! I FEEL FOR YOU, amen.

Just as day must have night, and Christina must have Britney, so to does our goddess have her own arch nemesis. Behold the face of the evil one!


This creature, known on this dimension as Jocelyn Wildenstein, is trying to co-opt Chaka's very own mojo, but anyone with at least one functioning eyeball can tell you that this. is. not. Chaka. DON'T BE FOOLED, she will eat your soul, and also your Meow Mix!

© 2006 CH

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

A quick story...then Ignunt Ass eBay item of the day...

Ok, kids...we all know I took a big ass tumble on my scooter. The problem is, I still can't functionally ride it. My arm and wrist are still screwed up pretty bad an I have to keep them wrapped all of the time (making for intersting bath time). SOOOO....I decided to look up (laugh here and I will cut you) those 3-wheeler mobility scooters. Gurl, they have some nice ones now!! And they have some that they want like $2000 for. I was like, "OH NO MA'AM" when I saw that shit. ANYWAY, I put a bid in on a couple of nice ones and we'll see if I win. They have little baskets on them and shit. Ok, I KNOW ya'll are laughing...but see, I don't have a car or transportation, the bus system here runs whenever it wans to and I can't afford a damn car!! And my feet hurt ALL the time, bitch!

ANYWAY...anough about that. While I was looking at the scooters I came across this thing (from the UK of course.) It keeps your scooter dry in the rain. Like my big fat ass is gonna be going anywhere in the rain except to see my therapist, who only lives like 5 blocks away. But I digress. SO, this English guy had a wise idea to put this shit shit together and sell it for $611.43!!

WHAT the fuck?!?! You know, if I wasn't as stupid as I am, I coukd have come up with shit like this. Prolly smoking a bong with Brandon or Michael K or some shit. Check it out, tho. It looks like a Mini Coopers' retarded little cousin!!

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© 2006 BMD

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Thank Goddess Chuck is back.

I was losing what tiny shred of self-esteem I had. Bless you gurl, in your long dress in a meadow. ROFL And YES, I did shave my head. Because I'm a freak. You should see the looks I get at the local market. With earrings and Lipstick on that!! I LOVE being the town freak. People flee in droves when I show up.

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Gurl, did ya'll know that Diana Ross's ass is like 67 today? Bitch looks GREAT for 120. Jail does that to a gurl. I still look fagulous, however!!

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You just KNOW someone had to prop that drunk bitch up!!


t
And you know who popped into my klonopin induced mind today? That damn queen from Star Search Sam Harris. And what the fuck is he doing now? Probably meeting Gayken at a cheap no-tell ho-tel.

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Dear Goddess, save us all of the sordid details!

© 2006 BMD

Where did you go ?

I'm back y'all! And while I was gone, I got to thinking about some of the folks that I love that have disappeared. Where did you go:

Tracy Chapman ?
I love her. I think that deep inside my heart, I am Tracy Chapman. But where is she? I know she still tours, but why isn't she making any more music? The last time I heard anything new by her was out at the back bar at fuckin' Charlies, and I haven't been to Charlies in YEARS, not since (true story comin' up folks!) a drunken pre-op transie whirled around on me, threw a drink at me and tried to claw my eyes out. What was I doing at the time? signing my bar tab. NOT EVEN TALKING TO HER. I so don't need to hang out there.

Um, but where are you Tracy? I miss you.


Seth Green

I know he's making movies and in that TV show and producing cartoons and publishing comic books, but what I meant was...

Where are you in relationship to ME, and more specifically, why haven't you backed that ass up ovah here yet, yo?

Like most gay geeks, I want a piece of that. Not so much that I'd actually stalk him (for very long), but I wouldn't turn it down.

Dignity
Where oh where did you go? Oh, gay man, I admire you for your freedom, and your ability to be yourself and to be so happy doing your own thing, but then my eyes start to burn and I can't stop screaming COVER IT UP and then I wake up an hour later curled up in the fetal position.

yeah, I'm jealous. Stupid body issues!

© 2006 CH

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Contributions wanted....

NO, I do NOT want cash. What I'd like is an older used car, automatic, AC/Heat that RUNS! The car must be from Texas. Can ya help a gurl out? I'm po' as hell, too.

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© 2006 BMD

A lonely weekend...

Just got word from my sister that she and her parter will not be playing bingo this weekend as it is too close to payday for them. (They are the great teachers of our children.)

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Soooo...what to do? Let's see...I have no transportation whatsoever (arm is still screwed from scooter incident), and so I'm stuck in this fucking damned house all weekend with the most irritating, crabby, unhappy old people that have ever lived. I often wonder what I did to deserve this. Oh YEAH, I went crazy as bat shit!

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Let's see...I've read every book I own, watched every movie I've owned and nothing is on Saturday TV but sports. GAG!

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So here I will sit....alone, dammit and wait for some inspiration. Let's pray it happens soon, my babies!

© 2006 BMD

Friday, March 24, 2006

The Queen Bitch is back!

Hey my fans!! I took a couple of days off to unwind and I feel MUCHO better!! I hope Sister Chuck is feeling better after that nasty bug got to him. I heart you, Chuck!! Gurl has my number if she needs anything.

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Honey, it's almost time for Saturday...and you know what that means!! bing-GOH!! I swear to Goddess Alexis Arquette that I will mark each of those damn Korean's heads with my big huge gay purple bingo dauber so the bitches can't win! Watch me!

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And another thing I wanted to bitch about was this website; http://gayweddings.com/

After all of the beautiful things I found there...I found it was a website for RICH GAY MEN.

I mean COME ON...The examples I found were beyond belief! Check this shit out, gurls;

U.S. residents can bid now on a wonderful, exclusive Gay Wedding Starter Kit package (valued at $6,300); the proceeds of which will benefit the DC chapter of PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays). Please join us by bidding early and bidding often! Ready to do some research on the package so that you can make an informed bid? Read on!

Gay Wedding Starter Kit
presented by GayWeddings.com
At a time when weddings are estimated to cost $26,000 on average (and even more in metropolitan areas like Washington DC!) and gay marriage still isn't legal in most states, finding the right vendors can take more time than blushing lesbian brides and handsome gay grooms have got to spend.

This 2006 wedding package includes: Wedding consultation, videographer, invitations, a florist, custom web site, and a honeymoon destination! Though the winning bidder will enjoy the most benefit out of this package if s/he is located in the Washington DC area, most services can be enjoyed regardless of one's location in the US!
Estimated value: $ 6,300 / Reserve Price: $2,100 / Buy It Now Price: $7,500.00
Bid Now!
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WEDDING CONSULTATION by GayWeddings.com
Enjoy a two-hour session with one of the experts at GayWeddings.com to help you get started with your wedding planning. Consultation may take place in Dallas, TX, Washington DC or via phone.
Package value: $150
Service Range: Nationwide

NOTICE THIS ONLY
A CONSULTATION IN DALLAS FOR $150!! Per their website!

INVITATIONS by GayWeddings.com
The invitation package includes a $300 credit toward stationery from OutVite, Carlson Craft or Regency Thermographers, featured on TwoBrides.com & TwoGrooms.com
Special Instructions: Package may not be applied toward shipping fees or taxes, may not be combined with any other offer, and is good only on OutVite, Carlson Craft or Regency stationery products.
Package value: $300
Service Range: Nationwide
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FLOWERS by Elegance & Simplicity
Local event designer, Elegance & Simplicity, Inc. was chosen by was chosen by the Washingtonian as one of the best wedding planners in DC in 2005 & 2006 and was featured in Elegant Bride Magazine as one of the best florists in the country! Elegance & Simplicity, Inc. has donated 1 altar arrangement and flowers for the wedding party (to include: the lucky couple and up to 10 attendants or family members). Donation also includes 10% on any additional flowers or services requested.
Special Instructions: Package does not guarantee or include delivery and related fees for any order outside of the Washington DC Metro area. Highest bidder is responsible for this fee.
Package value: $1,500
Service Range: NY-GA
Bid Now!

VIDEOGRAPHY by Lori Bullerdick
Let 7-time Emmy winning television photojournalist, editor and producer, Lori Bullerdick, capture the timeless essence of your special day. Lori's unobtrusive style, keen eye for detail and sensitivity as a storyteller come together as your soulful moments are captured forever.
Special Instructions: Package does not include travel allowance (approx $500-$750), if needed. Highest bidder is responsible for this fee.
Package value: $3,000
Service Range: Nationwide
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WEDDING WEB SITE by Wedding On-Line.com
Bring all of the pieces of your ceremony together with an 18 month Platinum Level listing. Manage and share your ceremony on one site by providing important information to your guests and vendors, manage RSVPs, upload unlimited photos and up to 90 minutes of professionally indexed video from your big day to share with friends and family and more.
Special Instructions: Package may not be combined with any other offer. Additional costs will apply if winning bidder registers for a unique URL.
Package value: $600
Service Range: Nationwide
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HONEYMOON DESTINATION in British Columbia, Canada
Located on Gabriola Island in British Columbia’s famous Gulf Islands, the Inn at Dragons Keep is a 20 minute ferry ride from Nanaimo on Vancouver Island, ranked #1 Holiday Island, North America, by Conde Naste magazine for the last six years in a row. The Inn is a beautifully renovated log structure on stunning waterfront with large public areas for receptions and events. Fly to Vancouver for your first few nights then head over to conveniently located, Gabriola, for your honeymoon in Paradise or plan the entire event (enjoying official legal status!) with us and use your gift certificate as a credit towards the event.
Package: Four nights accommodation, best available room, daily continental breakfast, all taxes and gratuities.
Package value: $750
Service Range: Nationwide
Bid Now!

And you know, I looked at the rings on there and I nearly started crying because I couldn't afford the CHEAPEST one! Bitches, I live an a $900 disabilty payment, my monthly meds cost $500, therapy is $100 a month and let ALONE doctor payments. According he the State Of TEX-ASS, I "make too much money" in my disability to qualify for low cost medical care. And forget the fuck about Texas "Medicaid". Those sorry ass people (and I called several different people) all told me the same damn thing. I "make too much money". In order to qualify, you can only make $560 in income! I say take these lazy damn bitches off the program and get people on it that really need it? How does one make too much money when they have nothing left at the end of the month? I want a hand UP, not a hand out! Makes me want to pull a Madea!! Hallelooyer!!

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Gurl, I am an ordained minister (Doctorate Of Divinity) And I would NEVER sell my soul for some kind of bullshit like that. That, and I only practice in Texas! So, if ya got a same-sex marriage, opposite-sex marriage, renewal of vows, house blessing and baptising a child (herein called a speedbump), then I am the gurl for you. And I come CHEAP! And I do Christian ceremonies, non-Christian ceremonies, spiritul ceremonies and the like. I even have all the wedding, commitment, baptism and house blessing certificates!


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GOD LOVES US ALL!

© 2006 BMD

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I'm going to take a break for a few days...

As many of you friends know, I suffer from drug-resistant major depression (the worst kind there is.) As such, the last couple of days have been excruciatingly hard. I can't put a cause on it...the darkness is just there. And it is extemely vicious. My Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder also plays a major fact along with my shitty self esteem. And these things combined make for irrational angry thoughts. I even went off on one of my most precious friends. Thank God she was understanding. So, I'm going to take a break for a couple of days. But don't worry, sweethearts, I'll be back on this weekend.
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© 2006 BMD

Monday, March 20, 2006

I don't care if she has a dick...

Gurl, sexuality is FLUID!! I watched "The Surreal Life" last night on VH1 and let me tell you something; Alexis Arquette is the HOTTEST thing on that show!! Fuck miss playboy trash. And that has-been Tawny who fell off of too many god damn cars needs to die a slow, painful death. What a cunt!! Now, ya'll know I love da 'muffin...but I'd do Alexis ANY time!! YUMMAY!! (Call me if ya wanna hang out, gurl!)

TEAM ALEXIS!!
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© 2006 BMD

Back from Beyond

Oh man. I'm so glad to be back. See, I got back like two days ago, but I came back with a cold and have been tossing and turning all night with a high fever. I wish I had some great stories, but the whole thing was pretty uneventful. We wandered the beach in the mornings, but most restaurants were closed until 5pm, so we didn't even eat out very much.

We stayed at the gay hotel, but it was a mostly straight crowd there; they even took down all of the gay flags and shit. Hmph. That didn't stop us from naked swimming and naked water volleyball.

Okay, so I'm totally sick right now, but I came in to work because I'm insane. I'm going to go hide and whine now.

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© 2006 CH

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Chuck is back from Spring Break and I got a haircut!

Gurl, you know how Chuck was hollerin' about irritating drunk college kids. Shit, I hate them too. I also hate large crowds unless the Gay Austin Mafia is in charge. I am SO glad to welcome Chuck and his hubby back home where they belong. I hope they made thier own White Party and Chuck had his fill of cocktails for me!! I'll be really happy to see the recap of the events!
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And on my front, I got bored as hell yesterday. See...I needed a haircut, but my hairdresser was out for 4 WEEKS on maternity leave. (Leave it to a breeder) Well, I just couldn't stand that shit anymore. So guess what, my babies...I have a pair of those professional hair clippers (the kind they scalp military people with), and BUZZZZZZZZ I went to town!! Now, it doesn't look like a Marine cut which looks like someone's ass, but it is DAMN short. I will probably finish today before I go to bing-GOH! Just to freak the fucking Koreans out. BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
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And NO, this is NOT me, bitches!!
I am FAR cuter than this skaink!
© 2006 BMD

Friday, March 17, 2006

My ANTM Predictions...

ItHere is my take on the last 2 episisodes. I am SO glad that stupid conservative bitch from Houston got eliminated before the show even got started. Homophobic bitch had the nerve to go off about gays in from of Tyra, Mr. Jay and Miss J. Alexander. Oh NO MA'AM. That bitch needs to go back to Being Miss Houston Mud Air.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm from a so called "Red State" but I'm a card carrying queer, gurl. But, I digress.

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The was one girl who didn't make the cut and I really thought she was a pretty girl and should have made it! This is her:
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Now, then...just from what I have seen so far, Furonda is the biggest shit stirrer around. Fucking condescending bitch with her "rules of behavior". I tell you what, ya'll...I would have taken every one of those fucking lists and shoved it down her mouth and throat. Bitch needs to be cut...and not only from the competetion, but a ghetto-ass cut as well!
Here's how her tired ass REALLY looks!!!
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Photo courtesty of Cutie Pie Rich at Four Four

Which brings me to the postive side of my viewing the past couple of weeks.
MY PREDICTED WINNER OF MENSTRUAL CYCLE 6 IS:


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Miss Nnenna!! Why? Because she has a beauty unrivaled by the other contestans, she always gets her photo shoots done without a problem or complaining. She also has the most beautiful personality. This girl could look fabulous in a potato sack!! I am on TEAM NNENNA!!

Well, as far as the girl I'd like to get down and dirty with...yep, it's Mollie Sue. You bitches know as well as I do that I have a thing for HOT redheads. And miss thang is no exception.
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Oh well, a gurl can dream. Hell, that's what Ive been doing since 1997 with no luck in lurve.
© 2006 BMD

Gab With Gurl!!

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Dear Gurl,

Im writing tu you becaus I am unhappy with my girfreind. I met a lady last year who was real nice to me and got me all the stuff I wanted. The girl found out that I was lieing to her and was still on luv with my girlfreind. I told my girfreind I loved the girl with money. My girlfreind found out I had sex with the girl with money and she was mad! She is mean to me. I want to leave my girlfreind and go back to the nice girl who has money. My girlfreind takes care of me. I do not work and want to be a hosewife. I have a kid too. Can you hep me?

Torn for too girls

Dear illiterate dumb ass loser,

Bitch, did you complete the eigth grade? Your grammar is beyond atrocious. Your problem, you stupid cavewoman...is that you are a complete LOSER who depends on everyone else to take care of your sorry ass. The fact that you have a child and claim to be a "lesbian" is a fucking oxymoron, but I doubt you have the mental capacity to look that shit up. My reasoning is this: The chick with money probably only fucked you out of pity. For a chick that has that much money, she can get any bitch she wants.
Look, the reason you are writing me is because you want to go back to the flawless woman who has looks, personality, money and class...which you obviously will never have. So, go crying to you local dollar store and grieve for the shit you would never have had from Nordstrom's anyway.
So what if the current is mean to you? You probably deserve the fucking shit, as whiny as you are.
And as far as money girl goes...women of that high of a caliber DESPISE children. You need to wallow in your own damn pile of shit that you got yourself into and realize that you will never be better than trash.
And on that note...I have a luncheon with friends to attend at Aquarelle. The appetizer alone will cost more than your skainky family makes in a year. Oh, and you need to check into the program RIF!

Love,
Gurl
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© 2006 BMD

We have our own perks...

We here at The Vitriol have our own private quarters. We have our own "back room" and "glory hole". This is for STAFF ONLY, thank you!!

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© 2006 BMD

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

*sigh*

It is with a very heavy heart that I must announce the cancellation of one of my favorite shows. "Rollergirls" will be no more. Goodbye, ladies...I loved you so. Well, I wanted to screw Cha Cha.
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R.I.P. ROLLERGIRLS
© 2006 BMD

This Spring Break

...is brought to you by Centrum Silver.

Kids, I'm so in a quandary. See, my little sister was scheduled to have a medical procedure done on Thursday (she has a ladies affliction) (that means her pink parts, y'all) so me and the man were gonna head down to see her and stay at a bed and breakfast on South Padre Island. Oh shut up y'all, we are NOT B&B queens. It honestly is the cheapest place on the island by like 80 bucks. Also, I know the owners, and the only gay bar on the beach is attached and you KNOW I'm not gonna drink and drive on vacay. Whatever. So we arrange all of this weeks ago, and now I'm realizing that I'm going to end up on fucking South Padre island during spring fucking break.

Now let me list things that I hate and you'll see where I'm coming from.

I hate: Drunk college kids

Okay, maybe 'hate' is too strong a word, but see, they have that whole entitlement thing going on; it's all "Hey, don't arrest me, this is my spring break!" Yeah. Hey, I bet you could totally jump from your balcony to mine, let me just shine it up with bacon grease so it's all pretty-like when you land on the railing, okay?

I hate crowds.

Dude, crowds can go nuts and I hate them when I'm not in charge of them. Crowds of straight people are especially bad, because like, if one girl is on her period, the guys will totally smell it and then there will be a mating frenzy and OVARIES WILL BE STREWN ALL ABOUT! I would sooner date Flavor Flav than deal with a crowd of drunken heterosexual college kids. And the gay kids are worse because they're all like 115 pounds and destined for drag stardom. If I meet another Khourtny Elann-Stefani or Linda Evangelingus I'm going to open a vein; and not one of my own.

So please folks, light a candle, say a rosary, or handle a snake or whatever you crazy cultists do, but think of me over the weekend. I hope I don't kill anyone! Wish me luck!

© 2006 CH

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Tasty treat from Sista Jenn!!

Ya'll know my friend Sista Jenn (Haaay Gurl!!) who makes films. WELL, due to her kindness I am able to show ya'll a trailer of her film "JOFM". It's a great film about an obsessed fan who kidnaps a radio DJ.
So...sit back and watch the awesome talent of my beloved friend Jenn. *HUG*


Film courtesy of Jenn and GINJAR Productions
© 2006 BMD

Ooooh...spring TV has sprung!

So, now that Project Run With Scissors is over for the season, America's Next Tranny....oops, I mean Top Model is back for Menstrual Cycle Six.
Haaaay!!
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© 2006 BMD

Monday, March 13, 2006

Noh ween aht bing-GOH

Oh well...no money this week. And here it is Monday, I had my appointment with my therapist and now I'm back home and bored out of my skull. That, and I took a nerve pill about an hour ago, so I'm kinda feeling loopy. I thought I'd leave ya'll tonight with just a little treat as to what happened on that dumb ass waste of time show "Flavor Of Love" on VH1. Flav picked Hoopz, who is hot as hell and I'm pretty sure likes to get down on the muffin'. The best moment EVER whas when New York's tranny ass got booted and she tried to play if off and then played like she was crying hysterically in the limo and NOT ONE TEAR fell from her eye!! THEN, she grabbed the whole bottle of champagne with a ghetto ass look on her face and poured a sip on the floor!! Stank-ass ho!!
Oh well...until next inspiration, I'ma let the nerve pills work and calm my thoughts down. Nite, babies! xoxo
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© 2006 BMD

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Nobody loves me like my iPod loves me

So today I realized that either my iPod is alive and in love with me, or God is talking to me through my iPod. When I put it on shuffle, it always plays songs that seem oddly appropriate. Does anyone else think the same thing, or am I just losing it?

See, and now it's mad that I've told y'all this and is playing The Humpty Dance. WHY DO I HAVE THAT ON MY IPOD???

© 2006 CH

Friday, March 10, 2006

Reason #82 to read The Vitriol

We donated trailers to Hurricane Katrina victims!!
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© 2006 BMD

It's Friday...I'ma getchoo high!!

Ooooh lawd, ya'll. Another week in the can, no? That means one thing to me...playing bingo all weekend!! Haaaaay!! Oh yeah, I'll squeeze in an AA meeting, but that's no damn fun. But bingo is!! Gurl, we make fun of the Koreans...I know...we're awful! But if you saw how much those bitches win (along with the fact that they own EVERY Chinese restaurant within a 35 mile radius), you'd make fun of their asses too!! So, we say shit like "bing-GOH". You have to be from a military town to appreciate our stunning accuracy in getting the Korean accent down. Oh well...enough of that. Wish me and big ole' gay purple bingo dauber luck!!
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© 2006 BMD