Sunday, February 26, 2006

one of my favorite things

Today is the start of one of my favorite things ever: Softball Season!
Specifically, gay softball season! I play in a gay league, and today is exactly one month before our first game of the spring season, and we're having a membership recruitment. Seriously, I love running around and being sporty without having to compromise my innate and extraordinary homosexualiciousness. If you're in or around Austin, y'all should come out and check a game some Sunday. Sporty boys and serious girls in caps; what's not to love?

Y'all will have to forgive me, I stayed up too late last night working on knitting a Cock Cozy for a friend. Yeah, you read that right. See, a few nights ago my guy and I ran into a friend of ours ....oh, funny side note: On the night that I met my current guy (almost 8 years ago, DANG! If that gets around then my reputation will be ruined! I've worked so hard for my slut cred) I was on a date with this friend that we ran into. Funny. Oh, this other guy? He's richer than god now, and has a house large enough that if you had a pet Rosie O'Donnell, she would totally have enough room to nest. I digress...

We run into this friend, and he comments favorably on the hats that we're wearing- little skullcaps that I knitted. I told him I made them, and he jokingly said he wanted a penis sweater... Well, I got bored last night, and look what I made! Yeah, I got too much time on my hands. Also, I'm gayer than Clay Aiken shopping at Bebe.

It's been a remarkably busy week for me, I haven't even had time to read the usual gossip blogs... I'm so lost, internet! Y'all will have to tell me: Are Jessica Simpson's lips okay? Is Bobby Trendy still annoying us? Has Paris's vagina eaten anyone lately?

© 2005 CH

Friday, February 24, 2006

Gab With Gurl!!

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Dear Gurl,
In December of 2004, I moved with my partner of 9 years "Dave" to a town in West Texas. Dave is a doctor and I am a painter. Since last summer, Dave has been very distant to me. Our sex life has been non-existant since he began sleeping in our spare bedroom! Last month, Dave announced to me that he was seeing a younger man who was one of his patients. I don't know what to do and the new man is getting ready to move into the spare bedroom with Dave! Gurl, I know that you are omnipotent so can you please help me? I feel like a desperate housewife.

Signed,
Bob

Dear Crying Into Your Cosmopolitan,

First of all, how fucking stupid are you?!?! Gurl, I am afraid you are beyond my normal scope of giving advice. You should have KNOWN your nelly ass was in trouble when Dave (or whatever the fuck his real name is) moved into another bedroom. Face it, Becky...you just aren't young and hot anymore. And a flabby, desperate, crying bitch who paints is not attractive. Here is my suggestion: Netflix the movie "Beyond The Forest" with Bette Davis. See, Bette plays a character named Rosa Moline who is a pitiful hag just like yourself. She marries a doctor, fucks around on him with another man and gets knocked up. She wants a big city life and a big salary to live on, which is why she had the affair. The guy she fucked finds out she's gonna pop out a puppy and leaves her skainky ass for the woman he was going to marry anyway.
WELL, she kills the guy who threatens to rat out the demon seed to her husband. Bitch is found not guilty of murder and decides she needs to go to the doctor to give her nasty twat an appointment with a wire coat hanger. ANYway, her husband finds out about that shit and stops her. On the way home, Rosa throws her ass out of the car, down a hillside and into a ravine, which causes her to miscarry the spawn. In the end, Rosa gets blood poisoning and tries to leave the small town by running to the train. But her crazy ass falls and dies in the middle of the damn street. I doubt your sad life resembles Rosa Moline, but there is a line in the movie that I love and you should repeat it to yourself hundreds of times a day; "If I don't get out of here I'll die. If I don't get out of here I HOPE I die...and BURN". After all of that chanting finally gets to your psyche, jump out of a car, fling yourself down a hillside and crash into a ravine. Then you'll die and won't ask me any more stupid questions!

Love,
Gurl

P.S. The term "What a dump!" was originally said by Dana Andrews in the 1945 film "Fallen Angel". Bette said it in this movie, which was released in 1949. Only YEARS later, in 1966 did Liz Taylor utter those words in "Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf". Old broken-hipped slut.
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© 2005 BMD

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

This one is for Brandon..

Ya'll know that Poorez is a TIRED, bitter queen. Well, he's really taken that shit too far this time. Our friend Brandon from The Church Of Annette had some original artwork on his website. Guess who ripped it off and did NOT credit Brandon? That's right, kids; Poorez. Tired-ass fucker.

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Gif courtesy of Brandon

© 2005 BMD

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

One last shot...

Ok, maybe that title is a bad reference. Naaahhh!! I don't think I need to tell anyone about my extreme displeasure with the current idiots in D.C. If I said what I really felt, the feds would lock my away for life, so it's just not worth it. BUT, Here's my last vicious stab about idiot Dick. *giggle*

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Photo provided by JoyDivision

© 2005 BMD

Monday, February 20, 2006

Cheney's got a gun

Sorry for being gone for so long y'all, but Dick Cheney shot me in the face. Okay, okay, he didn't, but there was dick involved and my face did get shot, sort of.

That's some crazy shit, huh? The VP of the country shooting some old tight ass lawyer in the face, and then just kinda kicking back until the rest of the country blows up? And now what? No one is even talking about it. Cray-zay. Oh well, it's just another thing that Corpus Christi can file away in it's archives, as far as I'm concerned, the only things good in Corpus Christi are the Whataburger by the Bay (it's awesome) and the kickass statue of Selena by the seawall where she looks like a total streetwalker.

See? And my people write our thoughts and prayers right up close by Santa Selena.

I've decided that I really can't write about Gayken about more, at least not as much as I have been. Truth told, I really don't care for him or hate him enough to write about him; he's just some goofy lookin' homo that shoulda gone into broadway instead of recording pop music. You know what though? I haven't heard anything by him on the radio in years. Oh wait, I have an iPod friendly radio, that's why. I'm so out of the loop... I'm in a training all this week and don't have access to TV or much time to access the internet, and what little time I do have I'm spending here, talking to you, my beloved fans.


My love for you, she is how you say? Never Ending? Never ending! and now I go!




© 2005 CH

Sunday, February 19, 2006

The Vitriol hits the big time!!

Well, in the blogging world at least. We've been added to the links section on Dlisted and The Church Of Annette!! Hot sluts Michael K and Brandon, I personally want to thank you for your support. You are both so wonderful!!

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Starting this week, I'm going to have an advice question once a week called "Gab With Gurl"! I'll provide advice based on my infinate wisdom (meaning I'm old as hell) to our GLBT readers. I know, I haven't done Friday trivia in awhile, but I feel the advice section will be better content. Keep in mind, this will be for entertainment puposes only.

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So...until next time, be good, my chirrenz!
© 2005 BMD

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Snatchtastic!!

Your 2005 Song Is

"Hung Up" by Madonna

"Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you"

You'll be rockin' in the New Year in your croch-o-tard!
© 2006 BMD

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Now the real news

Okay, I had to post that Valentines Day update so that you bitches wouldn't think that all I do is read Dlisted and Defamer and other various gossip sites that begin with D. But I can't stand it anymore. Did anyone listen to Howard Stern's show last Thursday? he had Clay Aiken's one night stand on the show, and I learned something that nearly made me vomit. Now, I can only talk about it for a minute, and then I have to leave to cleanse my mind.

Clay fucked this guy; HE'S A TOP.

Seriously, that must be like getting fucked by Reba McEntire, except that Reba has a bigger dick. I have to go and douche my brain-cavity now.






Reba doesn't need to work the hair, SHE OWNS THOSE EARS, BITCHES!







© 2005 CH

Valentines Day Update

Monday night I made a mascarpone cheesecake. What's a mascarpone? It's italian cream cheese. It's triple whipped, so it's lighter and fluffier. The cows are fed only sweet grasses and some herbs to make them produce sweet, non-bitter tasting cheeses. I made the crust out of almond-hazelnut biscotti instead of graham crackers. You know what? IT CAME OUT AWESOME, f'real.

(this picture came up when I google image searched for "eat cheesecake" and I couldn't NOT use it. ROBOT DOG WITH FLAMETHROWING NOSE!! What could be more awesome??) (answer: robot dog with Free Money-Blow Job Nose!)

I put the chicken in the spicy brine on Monday night also so that it would be ready by Tuesday afternoon. When I showed up to work on Tuesday morning, I found someone else there doing my job... then I looked at the schedule and saw that I was scheduled to work from 2pm to 9:30pm. Ugh.

I went home and made a card for Rich and then went to teach my Tuesday afternoon class. Afterwards was a staff meeting, and then I cleaned up around the yoga center. I was supposed to work the desk, but my manager is about 7 months pregnant and started waning... She arranged for someone else to work the desk for me so that I could teach her classes, and this arrangement let me leave around 7 pm. Dinner was back on, woot!

The card I made had a pig on the front, and it said "OUR LOVE IS LIKE PORK"; the inside said "SALTY, DELICIOUS, AND UNCLEAN IN THE EYES OF THE LORD". Cute!

Rich put the chicken in the roaster along with the veggies (onions, golden C potatoes, baby carrots, white mushrooms) and it was done around 8pm. So we had roast chicken with vegetables, then sat for a while, then mascarpone cheesecake. Mmm, it was lovely.
I gave him the card, he laughed. He gave me a card, and inside it had a bunch of flower seeds (I love to grow things, that's a little known fact) and an iTunes gift card.

Downloaded last night:

Stevie Nicks: Stand Back, Edge of Seventeen.
Mary J Blige: Sweet Thing, I'm goin' down, Not Gon' Cry, Overjoyed
Tori Amos: Father Figure (original artist: George Michael), Like A Prayer (original artist: Madonna)

As you can tell, I rock out old school. So old school in fact, that all the girls wear bonnets and when you get in trouble in class it's because Nelly Olson told on you. If you have no idea what that means, then YOU ARE DEAD TO ME.

© 2005 CH

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Watch it fly!!

GURL!! Today was fun!! I woke up really late (2 P.M.) and as I'm making my froo froo flavored coffee, mother tells me that my sister, my niece and the kiddo will be over at 3:30 P.M. to go...NO, not to bingo, but to another white trash hobby, BOWLING! Mmhmm, you read that right. It was kind of foreign to me at first since I haven't gone bowling for a LONG time. As a matter of fact, I didn't score anything the first two frames. But lookout, gurl...I got my groove back and got a strike on the third frame! Haaaay!! My sister beat me by 6 points. Kids, if I had just remembered how the hell to bowl on the first 2 frames I would have beat my sisters' ass! Oh well, there is always next time. Brang it!!

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Then we went to eat, which is one of my family's favorite things to do! Gurl, I had a BIG ole medium rare steak and some vegetables AND some sugar-free chocolate pudding! It was goooood and I'm still full!

Let's see...tomorrow is therapy day. I wish my therapist would get another cat. Her old boy died a few months ago. He was so cool!! We called him my "therapy cat"
. He would always come to me so I could pet him during therapy. =)

I doubt I'll have anything to post until after "Rollergirls". Maybe the
Putas Del Fuego will win! That team name STILL makes me laugh!

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© 2005 BMD

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Ignunt ass eBay item of the day...

I swear ya'll, this is just NAS-TAYYY!!! This shit should be illegal. Mmhmm, they're clean...supposedly. Unless they've been autoclaved, they ain't clean! And other than holding a roach from a joint, what use do they have for the general public? NONE.

Ya'll know I used to work in laboratories...for YEARS. And we generally didn't take home any used hemostats, for our own safety. Me and this girl Terri (mean-ass bitch) that I used to work with each snagged a nice new pair. She probably still has hers, but all of my pot smoking items and other drug toys have long been gone. "No sex, no drugs, no wine, no women, no fun, no sin, no you, no wonder it's dark.." Name that song in 5 notes, bitch!

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© 2005 BMD

Sho'Nuff Neeikqua!!

"Oooh gurl, I ain't seen you in a...DAMN, Sheneikqua! Is that you stinking like that, GURL?!?! Well, you need to douche yo' NASTY ASS...there's a whole family of seagulls followin' yo' nasty ass, DAMN!!"

Shit...I LOVE that sound wav file. That one and the "wash the coochie" one and the "queenteam" one. I've got all of my old wav files (over 1,000) on the old computer on the desk to the right of me. I know, I'm gonna be one of those old women, bitter and alone, screaming at kids to get the hell out of my yard and to leave my 500 stray cats alone. I'll be an eccentric recluse with old computers all in my office. I'm so bad I still have spare parts to build another tower but I don't know how, so the parts just sit there. Heh.

ANYway, I figured I should post something so people didn't think I had died or gotten arrested or some other tragic shit. I do have a head cold which is driving me nuts, though.

Replaced the ignition switch on the scooter so it runs mo' better, but damn...it's too cold to ride!! Next stop, Harley Davidson or Indian. Just kidding!! I'm so clumsy I'd kill myself just trying to get out of my driveway!

As you can see, I live an extremely exciting life!!

Oh well...until next inspiration, later my babies! WHERE the fuck is my Afrin?!?!


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© 2005 BMD

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Oh man, I'M ON FIRE TODAY!

Let's start here... I'm watching ET right now, and I just saw Two-Ton Tonya Harding; formerly a badass, she's now a fatass. You know what, I'm so glad that she's the one on ET though,and not that nasty smarmy Nancy Kerrigan. Suckit Nance! Now that Tonya's a boxer, she can kick yer ass on her own!

But Also! I have more info on the Gayken front. Here's an excerpt from an Enquirer Article:

Alleged Aiken love toy John Paulus has been deluged with death threats from the singer’s fervent fans ever since his name was leaked onto the Internet as the man who was blabbing to the National Enquirer that he had sex with their beloved “Idol,” who’s repeatedly denied being gay. The story is in the Enquirer issue out today nationwide. […]

Paulus, 38, passed a polygraph test administered by the Enquirer in an attempt to corroborate his bombshell claim that he had sex with Aiken at a Quality Inn in Garner, N.C., on Jan. 2. In the new Enquirer, Paulus claims he and Aiken had 90 minutes of man-on-man passion at the hotel, which is near Aiken’s hometown of Raleigh, N.C.
The muscle-bound ex-soldier says Aiken contacted him after seeing his picture on the Internet : “I have several personal ads on gay men Web sites,” he told the Enquirer. “Clay later told me he saw my pictures on a couple and decided to e-mail me. On Dec. 16, using the screen name of ‘valleyprettyboy,’ Clay sent me his first message.


And remember how I mentioned that the Army Ranger was probably a short haired muscle daddy? He totally is. I would so hit it too, like twice. Wanna see? I'd post the pics here, but you bitches KNOW that I'm all about family values 'n shit. Perez H has pics of John "Unclean because I fucked la Gayken" Paulus on his site, including some nudie pics. Dang, with that beercan cock you KNOW Gayken was walking funny for like, 5 minutes. Click me to see!

That's it folks... three posts in one day should be IT. I now have an excuse to not post for a week, go me!

© 2005 CH

Kelly Clarkson, what are you thinking??

I kind of dig the hair, even though I think it's one of those haircuts that everyone has to have at some point in their lives. Hell, my hair looked that like that when I was a hairburner- except mine was that horrid shade of magenta/wine that all hairburners have (international hairdresser purple, I think it's called). The dress though... Is it...could it really be... TAUPE? Is she for real wearing a color normally only found in a L'Egg?? Kelly, listen to me- your stylist hates you. THAT'S A FACT! I mean, if your stylist wasn't your worst enemy, then you wouldn't be in a dress that HAS A GODET! And your purse? It looks like it's encrusted with cigarette butts, and THAT IS NOT SEXY.

Now, because I like you, I will end with something nice:

At least it's not another goddamn fishtail skirt, and your new nose is HOT.

ps- Claire Danes is the new Jesus.© 2005 CH

in defense of Nicole

I read a lot of other gossip blogs, and it looks like everyone hates Nicole Richie, but I can't figure out why. Okay, so she's really skinny now... but I totes can't blame her, I mean... she was basically Abbott to Paris (perra?) Hilton's Costello. She was supposed to be the funny fat chick in that duo, and you know what? That role fuckin' sucks.

Really though? She was cute back then, you know, when she had cheeks. And titties. Boys like titties, Nic, just so you know (or so I've been told).

But yeah, she got skinny and now Paris HATES her. I can just hear the conversation between them... "Dammit Paris, quit doing hog calls when I eat! Fuckit, I'm just not gonna eat around you, bitch!" and Paris would be all "oh, that's hot" and cough up a wad of phlegm and jizz.

So yeah, she's skinny to the point of being worried, but you know what? HER DAD CAN DANCE ON CEILINGS!

I'm not worried about her. I just wish she'd get some implants, because without the titties I'm worried that someone will get bored and like bang out a tune on her xylophonic rib cage.

In Other News

Clay Aiken is still gay, dammit. F'real Clay, we want you to defect. I can't wait, someday he's going to fall in love with some rough-ass motherfucker who like works on a dock, or a wharf, or some other water-adjacent location and this guy is gonna turn La Gayken into his bitch and then...THEN Clay will come out and be all "I'm gay, in love, and getting boobies!" and we'll be like "Um, sorry, we already have Pete Burns. Try something else, mkay?"

I can't stop watching American Idol; I watched the first three seasons, but was just turned off by the fourth season contestants. My idea of a nightmare is to be the meat in a Constantine-Bo Bice sammich, and if there truly is a Christian god, he would probably make Carrie Underwood sing during said sammich and MY HEAD WOULD FUCKING EXPLODE. I mean, have you heard her latest song? That whole turn to jeebus "take the wheel" bullshit is so square stated, I just don't even have the heart to make fun of it BECAUSE IT'S BEEN DONE SO OFTEN BEFORE. It's like saying "I just threw up a little in my mouth". Tired. But I digress...

I hate most of the people that I've seen go through on this season of Idol, so I'm looking forward to tonight, and watching bitches cry! YEAH, CRY BITCHES, CRY!

Yeah, I know that's Tonya "bitch, I cut you" Harding and that she's not on AI, but damn, ain't she a perfect crying bitch postergirl?? BOO FUCKIN' HOO, lady! I see boogers!

Tonight is the start of what they're calling "hell week", meaning they begin to eliminate people that passed the national auditions, you know I'll be sitting on the couch with my knitting needles and some Haagen Daz. And before you bitches think I'm getting fat, I will remind you that I'm not just in shape, but I'm slim and vicious, cuz I sweat to the oldies.

OH HELL NO, I SEE RICHARD SIMMON'S NUTSACK! MY EYES ARE BURNING!

Someone get me an eyepatch!

© 2005 CH

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

HEY!!

Hey gurl, what'cha doin' over there...can't you see...I'm spraying my hair! Ok, that proably makes no sense to any of you. It's the beginning line of the song "Hairspray" by Debbie Harry from the John Waters' film of the same name. It was also Divine's last film. *sigh*

Oh well...that has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm gonna throw at you kids today!

Now, ya'll have heard me talk about my friend Jenn (haaay sista!!). Well, sista has now added some still pictures from her new film "Checkout" along with some video shorts of her other films!! Molly, you in danger, gurl if you don't see one of these films. In danger from my hand slapping your to-up face! Hehehe...just kidding. But her films are GOOD!

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Photo of Jenn provided by Jenn!

Also, I don't know if ya'll watch this show of trashy, cheap goodness...but that show "Rollergirls" on A&E on Monday nights is great!! I think all of them are straight, but that's ok. They aren't like the amazon butch women of roller derby that I remember from my childhood, though. Which is probably a good thing. ANYway, this show is just too much!! Monday night's episode dealt with Cha Cha wanting to skate again...against her friend Luna (they are on opposite teams). Gurl, Luna and Cha Cha also have a fake lesbian wedding on a party boat on Town Lake! What some straight bitches won't do for attention, no? It was like a "Girls Gone Wild" video or something, but without all the fake make-out out and titty-showin'. But, back to the main story...turns out Cha Cha won't be able to skate in the match becauce she only attened 5 out of 6 mandatory practice sessions. Oh, LAWD. But Cha Cha's team, the Putas Del Fuego (that shit cracks me UP!) win the match anyway. Luna got hurt playing and was a pussy about it. Waaaah...quit crying, bitch! This is roller derby! There ain't no crying in roller derby!! Oh well...watch the show on Monday night at 9pm on A&E.

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P.S. The show is about the roller derby girls of Austin, Texas. Bonus!!

© 2005 BMD

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Exquisite Jewelries!!

Uh...ok. I don't know what the hell happened, but somehow the Friday Trivia answers post dissapeared. I'm not going to fret, though...because there was only one really funny item. I say funny because I don't know what else to call this.

Just when I think I've seen it ALL, something else comes along and amazes me. I was doing a websearch for items on the now-missing trivia post when I found Swarovski Butt Plugs!! I wonder if the Swarovski people know about this? I sure as hell ain't gonna tell them, gurl!! The same website also sells "Medical Fetish"
supplies. O-KAY. I guess I'm just too vanilla.

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Then I went to the Swarovski website and found that you can get tiaras!! Now, you know I'm a princess (if not an honorary Queen), so I want my damn tiara!! You bitches pitch in and get me one!

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© 2005 BMD

RIP

Ladies and Chicks with Dicks, I'm sad to be the one to tell you that Grandpa Munster is no longer with us; he daid, gorl. and jay, doe he wok troo da balley ub da chadow ub daith...

Seriously, I learned how to be an insane goth gay boy by watching tv. My mentors were Grandpa Munster (witty, articulate, catty, and a snappy dresser fo' sho) and that flaming homo from Lost in Space (I bet there's footage of him somewhere saying "Oooh, the pain! the poppers have burned my nostrils, oooooh!" Danger, indeed, Will Robinson!). I'm gonna wear black now, y'all. see ya.

Ps- Check my new wheels, yo. I'm so gonna rock the Dragula next time I need to make a road trip.



Lost in Space, and Lost on the Cutting Room Floor

"Ooh, I suck a mean dick, Will Robinson, just you wait. There are no girls here you aren't related to, and some day...oh yes, some day soon my boy, you will regret having rejected my offer of training." At this point, Dr. (of love) Smith would pack up his Boy Butter and swish back off to the ship.

For serious y'all, this man is scary. I think I learned a lot from him, but mostly in the same way that I learned from my mother... I learned what NOT to be or do. Thanks for teaching me not to wear a mustard turtleneck with an atrocious cardigan Dr. Homo!

© 2005 CH

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Ignunt ass eBay item of the day...

People are freaks, I tell you. FREAKS! I heard about this shit and all I could think about was pussy with teef. Now, you chirrenz know I've had my share o'tang, but none with teeth. I was picturing foaming at the beard and shit. Gawd damn...now I'm gonna have nightmares. Thank goodness my therapy appointment is tomorrow. And by the way, that shit is LAVENDER, not PINK. Get it right, will ya? Damn. Ooooh, shit...gotta run, ya'll...Project Run With Scissors is on Bravo!

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© 2005 BMD

Dear Jeebus, please don't let this be true


If there is one thing that pop culture has taught me, it's that homos are hot. One thing that my eyes tell me is that Clay Aiken is NOT HOT.. Logically, Clay must not be gay, right?

So what are all of these rumors that he's gay about? I mean, sure he's a bit nelly... but I don't think he's gay.

Okay, wait, I'm lying. He's gayer than a pink thong on Little Richard... I just don't want him to be gay. Middle aged ladies in the square states, I implore you! Petition for his heterosexuality and we will grant it to you! I'd do it on my own if it were in my power, but I'm just a member of the shadowy homosexual supreme council and we can't do these things without reason. If you don't do it now, only bad things will come. Look at what happened to Elton John! Get back, honkey cat!

Now on to the really troubling parts - a former Army Ranger has OPENLY ADMITTED to having sex with la Gayken. HE ADMITS THIS, Y'ALL! I mean, can you imagine?? La Gayken would have to be on top, because he's so spindly that he'd be crushed to death by anything close to adulthood. And then, in order to earn your money, he'd probably make you be sober, or keep your eyes open and then you'd have to see him riding your hog, like some kind of deranged daddy longlegs, bobbing away saying things like "oh, y'all feel so gewd up in thar". I DIED A LITTLE INSIDE JUST FROM TYPING THAT!

Or ohmygod, what if he's a top?? Because this former Ranger, he's got "a DNA encrusted washcloth" in his posession. HE KEPT THE CUMRAG. oh barf. So now imagine this big ranger guy, who's probably hot (because let's face it, "personal ads" that say "former army ranger" is gay code for "muscular escort with short hair") is laying on his back with Ms. Gayken sawing away at his asscrack with his baby carrot and saying "oh, I bet y'all like that, don't y'all! Tell momma you like that!" and then pulled out, shot on the ranger, who then hatched his brilliant plot TO MAKE US ALL ILL. And also make the baby Jesus cry, and really, don't do that to the Jeez, he's got it hard enough already.

Here's what I propose - if Gayken won't listen to his fans go het or become celibate, then let's just set aside a few gays who don't mind him to be his own little dating pool. They can do their thing and all we ask in return is that they DO NOT SHARE ANY DETAILS WITH US. Tell us he's your roommate and that he loooves the ladies, please? Cuz then I can sleep at night.

When I picture the reality that I want to see, this is what I'm picturing. Well, sort of...when I picture it he's got more of a "wow, I love these boobies" expression rather than a "oh my god y'all, they're so squooshy-like!" look. And also, look at her! She's totally telling the camera "Would you look at this fruit??

I can't write no more...I need to borrow a nerve pill from Chili and lay down.

© 2005 CH