Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Granny getting hip before she breaks one!

Lawd, ya'll know I literally live in BumFuck, Texas. To get anywhere, you have to drive, Yeah, you could try to walk but you'll die from lack of water out there.
So I, being the only gay man without a dick (according to Chuck), no driver's licence and no major money for a car...got the gayest. shit. ever.
It's a scooter. All electric, no gas. And it's burgandy. The pink one was too gay even for me, honey. Can you see my big ass on that thing with my bicycle helmet zooming thru the streets of Hiccup Heights? "I just seen that gurl go by...she going into the HEB.", "Gurl, I saw that scooter at Wal Mart at 4:00pm" and "Why'd that gurl ride her scooter up here to the Dairy Queen and shit?"
I'll tell you foools why. I have neuropathy in both feet due to diabetes. I've had the crap 25 years...time for stuff to start happening. Anyway, walking any distance over 20 feet is pure agony. The only way I can tell you how it feels is as if a million bees landed on each foot. Then they all stung you. You do get loss of feeling in your hands and feet (thank god my hands are still good at bitch-slapping someone.)
SO......I go to the paper, look at cars...they want too much for fucked up stuff. I was just about to give the hell up until I found my sales promotors at Good Scooters.com. These folks rock! I had originally screwed up my order in the color that I wanted, so I ordered the correct one, marking the difference in my checkbook. It wasn't but about an hour later, that Good Scooters.com emailed me and had dound the mistake and the refund was on it's way. Most folks wouln't do that these days, but they did.
Hey!! It ain't over yet, queen. Wanna see her? Really? You mean really?? Ok......check out the ChiliGurl1000. Gayest damn thing in the neighborhood. I LOVE IT! Yes, I do have a helmet!

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© 2005 BMD


Blogger Chuck H said...

that is GAY! I need me a pink scootrah now!

7:01 AM PST  
Blogger Fmouie said...

Gurl, just ride loud and proud! Ain't nothin' but a thang. Get a mild buzz and ride the wind! Let the wind rush through your hair. No! Wait! You better wear pants! Luva...

7:36 AM PST  
Blogger ChiliGurl said...

I think if there was anyone GAYER than me, it woul have to be Chuck. No wonder peopl can only handle us in very small doses! *MWAH* Love ya, my sista durl!

5:33 PM PST  
Anonymous The Breakdown said...

I have GOT to see a pic of this ignunce.

GURL...on a scooter, in Texas?

THey are gon run yo ass off the curb!

You better get a helmet!

12:04 AM PST  

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