Sunday, January 22, 2006

Days of bingo and ignunt eyebrows...

What a Sunday. I wake up too damn early for one thing. I'm confused about the location of a friend because of an email, so I write one back to her and go back to bed. I wake up, no response to the email and jump in the shower because my sister is coming over to take my mom and I to lunch and you KNOW I have to do my hair.

My friend Jenn (haaay sista!!) sent me this killer crew t-shirt the other day for her latest film called Checkout. It has a picture of 3 tin cans and the slogan "nice cans" on the front. Hysterical, no? I think it is. Why? Because the film is about 2 people checking out this chick at the market, get it? Supermarket...checkout lane? Checking someone out at the supermarket? They sell canned goods at the market? Cans are slang for tits? DUH!!

So...I wear this shirt to lunch. About 2 people "get it" and look at me and snicker. Of course, living where I do, I think it's great that someone understands this type of humor because it's so rare here.

Because I've lived in big cities where people have some real intelligence and understand the dry humor, I take great joy when someone finds this stuff offensive. It's sad and fun, but in reality I really do push the envelope where I live.

I have no real purpose of telling you all of that except to tell you what happened in my day today.

During lunch, my sister convinces my mother and I to go to bingo. Yes, gurl...I said bingo. Shut. Up. Bitch. Now.

What I can say about that experience is my sister and I were the best looking dykes in the joint. Both dressed to the T, primped, plucked and tucked. You KNOW I spent forever on my hair. But I digress.

This bingo hall is in a place that used to be a nightclub when I was about 4 years old. I remember that shit, too. It was "The Oasis Club". They shut it down by the time I was old enough to sneak into bars at about 15 (
around 82-83). How sad. Anyway, it looked about as old as my ass feels on most days, and they still have the bar part there and serve cocktails! Honey, you KNOW if I still drank Iwould be up spending my disability check at the Oasis Bingo Hall, playing bingo and drinking until I fell off the damn barstool. And you KNOW I'd hit my head AGAIN. That's a damn sad thought. It really is sad...because some of those people in there looked like that.

I digress again. Oh, hell...ya'll know by now that I just go off on shit as I see it.

So...we go in (my niece goes with us and my sister-in-law is already there) and my sister gets the bingo cards. They have this thing they call "English Bingo" (I don't know why they call it that) where they only call out numbers and they do it quickly. I was like
"um...HELL no!!". But they do it really fast. Ya'll know I really don't have the quickest brain and hand-eye coordination anymore. As if I ever did. Thank goodness my name is not Grace.

ANYway
, then they have regular bingo. I have to admit it...I am secretly white trash because I thought it was fun! Either that or because it's technically gambling, which is an addiction, which we all know I have several of, which is a WHOLE other post in and of itself.

ANYway, you have like 6 or 8 bingo card things. It's a rectangular shape that has 3 individual bingo cards on it. Each one is a different color...so you get the 6-8 different
colored ones. We all sit at this table and in front of us, like up in a bar is a TV, so when the numbers come out you can see them. Then the guy actually calls the ball number out (like, "B-10") and you mark your little 3 cards in front of you if you have it. Oh, and there is a space in the middle that's a free space, so you automatically mark it with your bingo marker. My sister had some extra ones, so guess which garish color I pick? The dayglo-neon pink!! (I thought of you, Chuck) I always have to be different, you know. My mom (I love my mommy) sits in the middle and plays too, and after a few calls, she can pretty much keep up by herself.

We're all having fun...but none of us win. All of us came close, but no cookie. That's ok. It was a pretty
cheap and fun way to blow a rainy icky day as an alternative to my usual ultra-exciting taking a nap and messing up my hair-doo.

After bingo was over, we walked over to where my sister-in-law was sitting, since she was there before us...
I know, I repeat things. She was sitting with a few dykes! They were all very nice and not bad looking. And they "GOT" the shirt!! Haaaay! One of them was kind of cute, except she needed to either pluck or wax the eyebrows. I'm anal about that. I don't mind if they are natural and not out of control, but there is a limit on what I will date and not date. And this was a NOT date, due to the eyebrows.

I think it's time for some true crime murder show on TV. What an
opposite of bingo. Oh well, it was a fun day!!

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Sister Mary Hairy Mascara

© 2005 BMD

2 Comments:

Blogger Chuck H said...

when we visit San Diego, I like to go to this bar that is kind of annoying...all mirrors and wood and brass light fixtures (ugh), but they have this loud annoying evil drag queen who hosts bingo games. It's a riot. Does that make me pink trash?

5:06 AM PST  
Blogger ChiliGurl said...

Gurl, trying to keep up with plain old bingo is hard enough for me...'specially after my nerve pill. So, in the situation you mentioned, I would either have to focus on the evil drag queen or wear earplugs or something.
And gurl...you can be pink trash if ya wanna. I don't care how damn uppity folks are; we all have a little trash up in us!

8:55 PM PST  

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